


Tristful

by optiprisms



Category: Black Clover, Black Clover - Tabata Yuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M, please dont read if your sensitive, sorryyyyyy, uhhh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 29,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28416894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/optiprisms/pseuds/optiprisms
Summary: "This love... is it even pure?"-Y/N and Nozel are childhood friends, Y/N is a high noble and Nozel is a royal, and they are both captains of their own squad. Nozel is the Captain of the Silver Eagles, while Y/N is the Captain of the Midnight Ravens.Ever since the day Acier passed away and Y/N's mother lost her mind. The two Captain's have been a bit broken.Nozel is still recovering from his mothers death.Y/N's is still recovering of her mother, who now has parapelgics after giving birth to Adrizeh, who is Y/N's youngest sister. And her brother's suicide.Nozel and Y/N's have a very bipolar relationship between each other. Even though they have been married since they were both 20, through out the years...things have been difficult between their families and their marriage.Nozel and Y/N just want for all this darkness, depression, and trouble to end. But when they do find an idea, it leads Y/N to never-ending darkess. Leaving Nozel petrified for his life and a tint of déjà vu...Can Y/N get out of this darkness and see the new life she and Nozel made before it's too late?-I don't own anything, everything belongs to Tabata Yuki.
Relationships: Nozel Silva/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. please read this, important

I really had no plan for this book, besides people begging me to write a Nozel x Reader fanfic.

This work was posted on Wattpad first, it has most of the chapters there and is still continuing. I'm planning to finish the book on here as well.

This book is very triggering, it is not for the weak, sensitive and so on and so on.

So lets get into it!


	2. 00. when there was peace

“Nozel!” I pant, running up towards him through his back garden. Today was the day that every 15 year old in the clover kingdom got their grimoires. Nozel and I planned to see ours together and think about what we should do together when we grow up.

“What?” He spats out, still looking down on his grimoire not paying me any mind.

“Come on, don’t be like that. You said I should meet you after the ceremony, why are you so gloomy?” I pout, giving him an annoyed face. The silver-haired boy does nothing but sigh “It’s my mom.” He mutters.

“Mrs. Acier? What happened?” I give him a curious look.

“Nothing, she was talking about her pregnancy and something really caught me off guard. Actually- it’s nothing,” He sighs again but this time more deeply.

At this, I wonder about my own family, my mother has recently just lost the ability to walk after giving birth to my little sister, Adrizeh. I don’t know how but, I can think of a bit of a reason why, my mother told me stories about curses caused by demons and how they can affect that person and their family. She has only told me and Adkai out of all her children. I start to think if Mrs. Acier has something similar to that, a curse, a cure that could that could kill you or ruin your family, something similar to that…

“What are you spacing out about?” Nozel asks me with an irritated face. I jump at his sudden reaction to me spacing out. He gives me the look as if I just spat on him or something like that.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about my little sister,” I lie in a small, shy voice. “She hasn’t been able to eat properly without throwing up, and my mother is slowly getting better but still can-”

All of a sudden, I feel a gentle touch of Nozel’s left hand on my shoulder as he stares at me gently with his silver eyes giving me a sorrow but worried look. At this, I jump a little because of how sudden it was of him. It’s not like him to touch anyone in this manner, nor let anyone touch him. I wonder what's wrong with him.

“Listen,” He starts “Let’s not talk about any family issues today, lets just see spells we have and we can use them for when we officially become magic knights, okay? Talking about our families is making me worried. We should think about how we can change the future for them... ” Nozel roughly whispers out, with his head hanging down in sorrow. I unexpedly moved my hand on his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“N-nozel…” I whisper in a thick, calm voice. The hand that I put on his shoulder now moves to the back of his neck, before caressing his smooth, comfy, silver hair. Bringing him closer to me.

“Y/N...what are you doing?” Nozel asks me, slowly hesitating out of my grip, his face turns into peony pink as he knows gives in, making him drop his grimoire in the process.

As he gives in, I now drop my four leaf grimoire too, using my other hand to put around his neck, bringing him more and more closer.

At that moment.

That was when our lips touched.

The moment we fell in love with each other.

The moment where I finally felt safe.

The  _ one _ moment where I didn’t have to worry about anything at all.

_ Or so I thought. _

I thought I felt safe in his arms.

I thought he felt safe in mine.

We both thought that we could make each other safe.

_ Or so we thought. _

We were both wrong. But not completely mistaken that we couldn’t make each other safe.

All we wanted was for happiness.

To escape.

To escape from this haunting reality.

\---

Now.

Here we are.

Current time.

About 16 years later.

Still trying to figure out what the hell we should do…

And how the hell we escape. From this haunted, cruel reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N
> 
> I’m surprised I was able to get this done right after the day I published the story. :O
> 
> ^ this was back in 2019 lol


	3. 01. outrage of stress

Looking back at the day. When I kissed Nozel honestly scares me a bit. I don’t know why I did it nor why he kissed me back. That whole situation scared me. I can’t really remember what happened after that...all I can remember was Nozel muttering while crying on my shoulder on why he should grow stronger, why he loved me, why he wanted to become the wizard king and how I should be at his side. After that, I don’t remember Nozel being hostile towards me but, he still had that cold demeanor towards everyone else.

It’s strange. And to this day, I’m still figuring out what his mother told him that made him so...different.

Currently, I’m sitting at my desk in my office, arms folded with a stressed look on my face. Trying to figure out what I should do with Adrizeh. Adrizeh is the youngest of our royal family, she's a year older than Nozel’s youngest sister, Noelle. Adrizeh is a very silent girl, she doesn’t really speak to anyone, she adores drawing. She also enjoys playing the violin. 

Everytime I look at her, she reminds me of my mother and father so much. Her dead, hollow, white eyes. Her little, but noticeable fangs that she has. She basically has the looks of mother. But, despite how she looks and she acts, she always has a father's peaceful, respectful face. 

I really am I wanting to kill myself about what to do right now.

I’m going to send Adrizeh into the Golden Dawn.

At this thought, I breathe out a very heavy sigh, making minty frost smoke come out of my mouth. I honestly have no other choice.

Why?

It’s because of multiple things. Since the day Adrizeh was born, she has  never ever, not once in her life seen the figure, face, sight of our mother. When mother gave birth to Adrizeh, she lost the ability to walk, and has pretty much lost a huge amount of her sanity. I don’t  ever want my little sister seeing my mother, almost paralized, sitting in her bedroom, with her eyes covered with her hair, folding paper into chatterboxes and paper cranes. I don’t want her thinking that she did this to her, it wasn’t her fault at all. Adrizeh did nothing wrong, it’s the curse that’s affecting us. 

So, I’m doing all this to protect her, so that it doesn’t affect her in the near future. I don’t want her to kill herself over something that she didn’t do. That’s why I’m moving her somewhere better, so that she can become someone who saves people instead of seeing them suffer.

As I snap back to reality, I realize that pouring out salty, long rivers of tears from my eyes. As I try and try to wipe them off, they just keep coming back, like a waterfall never running out of water, my freezing cold skin freezes the pools of tears running down my face. I just wish that things could get better, I wish that my family didn’t have to fucking hide secrets from another. I just hope that I’m strong enough to get rid of this pain, agony, and horrible suffering we are going through.

Yes. Even though we are high nobles and that the public eye sees us as a peaceful, little, perfect family.

In reality, we are just a dollhouse.

A dollhouse who is happy from the outside but is secretly decaying on the inside.

Knock knock knock

"Who's there?!” I immediately changed my voice which was full of sorrow into a normal loud voice, I quickly wiped my tears away from my face making sure nobody knew I was crying.

“It’s Nozel.”

Shit!

This isn’t good. I can’t let him know I was crying. He’ll kill me with just his words.

Quickly, I wipe my tears, and take a deep, heavy breath. I just hope he doesn’t see the red stains in my eyes.

“Come in.”

Nozel comes into my office, and quietly closes the door behind. He walks closer to my desk and sits in the chair right before me. He does nothing but stares at my tired face in a. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks me in a toneless manner. Still staring at me.

“It’s nothing,” I lie, hoping he doesn’t find out. “I’m just stressed. That’s all,” I lie again in a taut tone.

“Y/N.”

“Yes, Nozel?” I thickly ask him, refusing to look up at him.

“Look at me and stop lying.” 

“...”

Damn it. He knows I’m lying.

“I know what you’re stressed about,” He says, “It’s your baby sister, Adrizeh...isn’t it?” He questions me, tilting his head with a nonchalant but curious expression.

“Y-yes…” I stutter in shame.

“Woman, you're being very pathetic right now.” I feel a little jab in my heart from his harsh words. Usually, everytime I would stress myself out, Nozel would usually comfort me in a different way and give me advice to calm down and my ways of thinking, but now, things are different. Nowadays, we are so stressed and busy we don’t have time to be nice to each other, we don’t have time to think of better ways. And it certainly seems like we don’t have time to love each other like we used to. 

Sometimes I wonder why I married him.

“I know...I’m s-sorry.” I shakily spit out, tears welling out again from my soiled eye sockets.

“Don’t say sorry to me. Say it to yourself, and your family for being so pathetic right now.” Nozel tonelessly insists as he still stares at my pathetic self, trying to hold myself together.

I can’t handle this shit anymore. This isn’t fair at all. He has no right on what to call me when he sees me struggling.

“C-can you blame me Nozel!?” I snapped, standing out of my seat as I violently slammed the table with my cold hands. Causing some pens and documents to drop from the sides, making Nozel jump a bit with a slightly shocked expression.  “I’m tired! I’m sick and tired of this shit! I’m sick and tired of trying so hard to protect my family from breaking more apart and getting judged for trying to do my best…” I continued to snap as Nozel just stared at me, slightly frightened as he was shaking a bit.. “I’m tired…” I whispered, lowering my voice softly, “I’m just sick and tired of this… I’m so-s-sorry…” I softly and slowly finish with stubborn tears still pouring out, endlessly.

“Y-Y/N…” Nozel stutters out, with his face now completely in shock. I don't think he has ever seen me as shocked and angry before. I can’t blame him for getting out of his normal personality. I don’t think anyone has seen me so angry before. I’m usually calm and rational, I don’t show much expression but if I do, I usually giggle and smile a bit. In life, there hasn’t been anything that could make me laugh, cry, or make me in complete euphoria. It’s more that life has made me more angry, livid, stressed and sad and it’s just really painful to go through.

“I can’t handle this anymore...I just want to escape…”

As I’m shamelessly pouring out tears in stress, I feel a pair of arms wrapped around me. It was Nozel.

“W-why are you hugging m-me?” I muffled between his shoulders “I’ve only let you down...I’m a horrible wi-”

“Shh...it’s okay…” Nozel muttered against my neck, still holding my depressed figure in his arms. “I’m sorry, Y/N...I don’t mean to be harsh, it’s just that I’m stressed too.” He continues as his head leans on my neck. I feel his tears running down my clothes as he continues to hold me tight with his tears also running down endlessly.

“Can you please forgive me? I swear I won’t make your suffering worse, my wife. I know you are trying your hardest.” Nozel lifts his head up at me, making me see his tear stained face. I honestly don’t remember the last time seeing Nozel like this since we were 15, he must’ve really been trying keep all these emotions bottled up so that he wouldn’t look weak, pathetic, or a disgrace to his family. 

Can I blame him? No.

“Fine…” I sniffed, loosening my grip on him, giving in on his words.

“But, if you ever hurt me again... I swear I will never, ever forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- my math teacher is not legit.
> 
> ^ all a/n's were last year lol


	4. 02. the little raven that watches silently

After Nozel and I apologized to each other from our little argument, we decided to help each other with a little paper work for our meetings and plans for our squads.

I still was overwhelmed with everything that was going around and was often daydreaming, staring at the ceiling like I was drugged or something. Usually if this would happen, Nozel would pat my shoulder, or give me a massage. Those massages were everything I needed to calm down and focus back to work. Surprisingly, I didn’t think of anything sexual of them this time.

His touch on my aching shoulder was so smoothing, the way his fine fingers worked into my back and muscles felt like heaven. 

But, that was back then...Nozel is stressed too with almost everything as well, he is so stressed that he can’t even give me a proper smile, or ask me how my day was going or how life was. He was too focused on fixing himself.

_ I really miss the old Nozel. The new Nozel is very mean…  _ I pout to myself.

“Something wrong, my love?” Nozel taps my shoulder, with a concerned look on his face.

“No...it’s nothing.” I say, giving him a small, fake smile.

_ That’s a lie, everything is wrong. Our existence is completely wrong. Our life is set up wrong. Me being born is wrong. We were born in the wrong year and the era. That’s what’s wrong. _   
  


“Well,” Nozel starts, looking at the large, glass window behind us, “It’s starting to get late. I should be going now.” He finishes, standing up.

I stare at him with a nonchalant expression on my face. Waiting to see if he will hug me or even give me a kiss. To which he doesn’t.

_ No hug? No kiss? Nothing? Wow… I see how it is.  _ I breathe out a little sigh. Thinking about how Nozel rarely shows me affection nowadays. It’s quite sad thinking about it, thinking about how his ego has almost taken over him completely, it’s making me think that he doesn’t even love me anymore. Just thinking about him now is just making me sad, and I honestly don’t think he cares.

All of a sudden, I feel Nozel’s soft, plump lips on my forehead, his hands placed gently on the sides of my temples.

“N-Nozel…” I stutter out, with a pink blush that was spread across my face, my hands shaking, not knowing what to do.

Nozel’s lips now travel down my forehead, still having his soft lips kiss my skin down towards my mouth, making sure not to miss a single spot.

“N-Nozel…”I stutter out again, as I feel his hands move towards the back of my neck. His hands were always smooth, they always made me feel weak anywhere he put them. I finally felt his lips connected to mine. It was a short, chaste kiss but, It was still enough to make me happy .

“Goodnight, my love. Have a good rest.” Nozel says as he gives me a small smile before walking out of my office, closing the double doors gently.

_ I’m happy but...why was he so nice...so helpful? This isn’t like him. _

I feel butterflies swarming around my stomach so very happily, an innocent smile on my face, my cheeks heating up more as I clutch my stomach with my hands, squeezing it to get rid of the fuzzy feeling inside.

I feel beyond happy. My husband finally showed me proper affection after God knows how long I’ve been waiting for it. I really thought that he would be hostile to me for the rest of our relationship. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he won’t always give me this treatment

A sudden, small knock echoed from the door of my office. I think about who it could be since it’s a bit late at night. I look at the time to see it's already 9. Damn. Time is going way too fast right now.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“Adrizeh. Can I come in?”

_ That’s strange. What is she doing here at this time? Shouldn’t she be eating or training? _

“Come in.” I reply, stacking and organizing my papers. 

Adrizeh barely comes into my office for anything. That’s mostly because she's barely here, she often helps squad members with errands, paperwork and more. She offered to help me since she doesn’t really do anything in her spare time besides train and hang out with her friends to help them train to help them become Magic Knights. She’s a really nice but quiet girl. I don’t think she has a bad side.

My little sister came into my office with a bag that looked pretty full. I’m guessing they are snacks for when she's hungry because I know she has a big appetite.

“How are you?” She asks, laying the bag on the table as she sits down in one of the chairs. Getting out a ruby chocolate ice cream bar.

“I am  _ exhausted _ . You don’t know how many reports I had to write to the Wizard King. This  _ shit is too stressful _ for me right now…” I yawn out, laying head on the table.

_ Oh shit. Did I just curse in front of her? I’m so sorry, little sis. _

“It’s okay if you curse in front of me. I understand your stress. Writing 12 essays about reports isn’t easy. I can tell just by reading your mind and your face.” Adrizeh says calmly, looking at the window.

I jumped a bit on how she actually knew that I felt guilty for cursing.

_ I forgot that we can read minds silently. Damn, that is one scary thing. _

“Telepathy is a scary thing,” She starts, before biting into her ice cream bar again.“What’s more scary is that you keep overworking yourself to the point you have bags under your eyes and you're often fainted at your desk? Do you think it would be nice if you’d let Adkai take your place for a day?” She asks, still staring at the window, finishing her ice cream bar.

I mean. She does have a point, I’m always exhausted at my desk and I’m always overworking myself and I barely give myself breaks. Even though I should take a break, I’m still crazy about becoming the Wizard Queen though. I will not stop busting my ass until I can get this Kingdom to be safe.

“Your right…” I hazily reply, sitting up, slouched. “I just don’t want Nozel thinking that I’m lazy and that I’m not worthy of having such a high position…” I groan out, yawning again.

Nothing but silence fills out the room. I hear nothing but a snap coming from the stick of my little sister's ice cream bar. Her face scrunched up like she was bothered by something that had just happened as she was still staring out of the window, it seemed like her body was trembling from anger. I could tell her mood just switched from something I said right now.

I’m not sure if I should read her thoughts right now. It seems like a bad idea just by looking.

“Adrizeh, what’s wrong? What’s bothering you?” I ask as I sit back up in my chair, staring at her in worry. I just hope I didn’t say anything offensive.

“It’s Nozel…” She mutters out, staring down.

_ Nozel… What did he do?  _ I thought to myself as my eyes widened in curiosity.

“What did Nozel do? Did he harm you?” I asked her, staring at her still.

“He didn’t harm me, it seems like he’s hurting  _ you _ .”

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

“M-me? He’s not hurting me Adrizeh, I prom-”

“Yes he is!” She interrupts me, staring at me, her voice sounding quakey. “When I walked past your office today, I heard him say how  _ pathetic we are _ and that  _ you should say sorry for it _ . He didn’t even bother helping you with your issues or even apologizing for saying something so disrespectful to  _ you _ …” She finishes, looking down again, her eyes filling up with regret.

“Adrizeh…” I start, trying to find the words to speak out. I’m literally at a loss for words, I didn’t know that she was this concerned with me. She probably had noticed my eyes and the bags under them, how dreadful my face looked. Hell. She probably even read my mind to see how much his words get to me. But, at the same time, it is my fault, it’s my fault that I haven’t been able to lead my squad and my family the right way to be stronger, it is my own fault that I overstress things and overthink too much that I end up a mess.

_ Why do I let Nozel disrespect me? Why am I afraid to stand up to him? Why am I too scared to defend my family? Why am I so insecure? Why can’t I act like the other Captains? Why can’t I act mature for once? _

“Adrizeh, I think you're worrying way too much,” I start, looking down at the table. “That isn’t true, Nozel just worries for me too much, so I’m guessing that he makes his words so harsh to me so I could take better responsibility. I’m sure he doesn’t mean it, he should respect our royal family just as we respect his family.” I finish, taking out a big sigh at the end.

“Are you sure? I just don’t want you killing yourself over a man who does nothing but downgrades you for trying your best. Even though I’m your little sister and I probably don’t know much, I still care and I want to help you as much as I can.” Adrizeh says to me, walking around my desk, engulfing me in a soft hug. “You are my elder sister, and I want to make sure you are happy and that you are strong enough to become the future Wizard Queen.” She finishes, I hug her back, laying my head on her shoulder as she rubs my back.

_ She’s so considerate, I really don’t deserve her in my life right now… _

“I’m fine. I promise,” I don’t let anything he says get to me. I’m too busy for his words to get to me like that right now.” I lie to her, breaking up the hug to give her a small, fake smile. “I’m doing well, so you don’t need to worry.” I say, patting her head.

“Okay, if you say. I’ll leave the snacks in the kitchen. I’ll make sure the chefs take care of it.” Adrizeh says, walking away with the bag of snacks. “Goodnight.” She says.

“Goodnight.” I reply as she leaves.

I finally breathe out one more sad, heavy sigh. A sigh so heavy even frosty smoke came out of my mouth. I always put on a fake act in front of my baby sister, I don’t want her worrying about me too much. She has yet to become a magic knight and she's already panicking about me. I don’t want to ever worry about, she has her own future to make.

_ Yes. Letting her into the Golden Dawn will be a smart choice. It will get her to focus on her goals on saving the people of this Kingdom. I just need to catch up on sleep right now. That’s all that matters. _

With that thought, I then put the paperwork in my draws inside the desk and make sure that everything is packed up. I leave my office, closing the door.

“I’m done for the night.” I tell my fellow guards, as they nod at me. “Thank you for all your work!” They tell me and I just give them a small fake smile as I walk to the other building where my family’s mansion was.

_ I really don’t deserve anyone… my whole life and existence is pointless. _

**_Timeskip!_ **

I had just finished changing to my nightgown right after I took a hot shower, I still feel numb and cold. This ice magic of mine really isn’t easy to maintain.

I finally hop into my california king sized bed getting comfy under the layer of covers that I have. This is literally the best of the day, I don’t have to worry about anything or anyone right now, all I need and want is sleep. 

But.

Looking back at what Nozel and Adrizeh said...It got to me somehow.

Nozel’s words made my heart jab and shatter into little pieces, making me take them to heart, while Adrizeh’s words were trying to fix it but they couldn’t.

They were too deep. Deep enough for me to take them to heart. And I just don’t know how to handle it.

How to fix myself.

How to keep everyone safe.

How to become stronger.

How to keep on having the will to live like this.

Endless tears pour out as I try to maintain myself to stay calm. I just can’t do it. 

I just hope that when I wake up, all of this shit will be forgotten.

It probably won’t.

  
  



	5. 03. jealously within 2 pairs of eyes

**_A/N- Umm… This kind of a long chapter, I’m sorry if you aren’t into long chapters... but I didn’t want to break my chapters up this time...sorry. If you’re wondering, it’s over 4,000 words._ **

**_-_ **

I wake up to the sound of the birds chirping outside, the bright sun coming out the large window behind me, blinding me slightly, making me squint my eyes. I groan at this and get out of my bed, checking the time of the clock on the nightstand beside me. The time is currently 8:44AM. The Captains have a meeting at 12:20PM.

I let out a heavy sigh, thinking of the topics we will have to discuss. This time, I’m so stressed that I can’t remember what the Wizard King told us to discuss, so I wrote down a little five-page paragraph essay to remember so that I don’t stress myself out again, since I have so many things to worry about.

And this time, I just don’t want to see Nozel at the meeting at all. I feel as if something will happen at the meeting that will involve Nozel and I, all because he wants to be a little brat; just like how he was at the last meeting. Basically, what happened was that I was trying to explain how we should take proper care of our commoner citizens since most of them don’t properly recover once they get attacked, then Nozel interrupted me saying how it doesn’t matter how they get treated and that all we need to do is our job, protect the Kingdom and get it over with. 

Everyone gave him a confused look on why he interrupted me, and there you had Fuegoleon, giving him the dirtiest look on the planet. I just sat there and sighed, not wanting to argue. It seemed like Fuegoleon wanted to punch him so bad but, instead we just carried on with the meeting. 

I feel as if I shouldn’t engage with him to not cause any trouble, if he tries to interrupt me, I should finish my saying, I’m not going to let him take advantage of me when I’m the older one here in the relationship.

_ Wait. I’m a year older than Nozel? Damn. That’s crazy, he acts so mature compared to me.  _ I think to myself as I chuckle, thinking about it.

I shouldn’t be over here, thinking about how immature or mature my husband is, I should be preparing for the day and getting ready to get over it.

With that, I grab my towel and head into my personal bathroom.

**_Timeskip!_ **

I had just finished getting ready, dressing up and then putting on my robe. My outfit hasn’t really changed since I have different variations of my clothing which go well with my robe. I wore a white shirt which was under a black and navy robe that had ruffles, just like the ends of a raven's wing, which matched the colour of the double-layered skirt I wore, the ends of the skirt were ruffled too. I wore my signature, midnight colored robe, which also had ruffles on the ends of the sleeves and at the bottom of it too.

My hairstyle stayed the same too, so did my boots and socks. 

I head out of my master bedroom and walk 5 down floors to the dining room and see that no one but the chefs are down there, setting up the table.

“Good morning everyone,” I say loud enough for them to hear, they jump at the sound of my voice and stop what they were doing to kneel down.

“G-good morning, Master Y/N!” They say, still kneeling.

_ Argh! I told them to stop doing that! That’s so embarrassing, what won’t they understand? _

“I told you guys to stop doing that…” I shyly mutter, embarrassingly covering my face. I hate when they kneel down to me, it just puts me out of my quiet, chill persona because they think I’m a queen or something. Even though I am a royal, I just don’t think they should be bowing down to me...just… not me.

“C-can you please just get back to what you were doing? I have a meeting at 12:20PM...” I continue with the same body language and embarrassed mess.

“Yes, Master Y/N!” They all shout and get back to what they were doing, I take my hands away from my face and take a seat at the dining table. Usually, my siblings would be here at this time, and we would talk about so much that has changed since we were younger, how far our baby sister has come when she started since she became 14, explaining how long we were waiting for father to come back from his trip and mission. Speaking of father, he went on a mission and trip to the Spade Kingdom about a year ago, he told all of us that he was going to find the whereabouts of the devil that cursed mother, he hasn’t come at all and it kind of makes me worried. 

Putting that thought aside, I should probably think of what I should tell the chefs to make since I’m quite hungry and because I almost didn’t eat all yesterday because of the amount of paperwork I had.

One of the personal chefs with brown hair that was in a ponytail and blue eyes walks over to me and sets down a set of dishes.

“What would you like to eat, Master Y/N?” They ask, still setting it up. I look at the chef and think about what I should eat because I didn’t really eat anything and I would like to have something very filling.

“I would like to have 10 stacks of red velvet pancakes, topped with sweet maple cream frosting with sliced up strawberries and regular blueberries, please.” I casually told the chef as she looked at me with shock and a slight bit of disturbance.

“Is there something wrong?” I nonchalantly asked her as I slightly tilted my head at her. She was sweating for some reason...maybe she’s a new chef here and probably doesn’t know much about my family and our diets.

“N-no, Master! There is nothing wrong at all!” She slightly exclaims as she turns to face me from the table, scratching her head a bit, still sweating a bit. “I-I was just concerned because that seems like a lot for you and I think y-you shouldn’t be eating that much… that’s a lot of calories for someone as _ pretty as you _ …” She stutters as the part, now avoiding eye contact with me.

My face erupts into a small, pink blush, with my eyes slightly widened and my lips quivering a bit. I stared at her with awkwardness as I then turned my head away. I really don’t have that much self-esteem so when people call me pretty, I usually just blush and get really out of character, is it because Nozel as never really complimented me before? I have no clue, maybe I’ve always had a low self-esteem.

“Umm… are you new here?” I ask her, turning away so she doesn’t see my facial expression.

“Yes…” She replies, still looking flustered as I am.

“Well, my family and I have voracious appetites, we just can’t help it at all, we digest and eat food very quickly so we're always asking and demanding a lot of food because we honestly can’t help it. We don’t gain weight either, so don’t worry about that…” I explained to the chef, finally making proper eye contact with her, she stared as if there was something wrong.

“Really?” She asks, now shaking.

_ I knew I should’ve never told her that. _

“J-just tell them to prepare the pancakes, please!” I slightly shout, now covering my face.

**_Mini timeskip!_ **

Breakfast for me was finally done and the same chef that I was talking to earlier brought it to me and set it down. I was given a plate of 10 red velvet pancakes stacked on top of each other, with a dop maple cream cheese, sliced strawberries and blueberries. I was also given a cup of milk on the side.

“Thank you.” I tell her, lifting up my eating utensils, about to devour my first meal of the day.

“Your welcome. I hope you enjoy it, Master.” She tells me as she is about to walk away but I turn to stop her. 

“What’s your name?” I ask her, cutting a portion of my food.

“Patrice. Patrice Floyd.” She says, turning around again.

“Hmm...what a nice name, enjoy your day.” I tell her as she gives me a wave she goes back into the kitchen. I finally dig into my food and devour the pancakes in a proper manner, not caring about anything else in the moment. Honestly, if there is one thing I love besides my family and my husband, it’s food. Food helps me to escape from reality when I need it. It’s like every bite I take out of every meal I’m happy. Even when I’m sad or depressed, food makes me so happy.

Before I knew it, I had finished 10 pancakes in under three minutes. Not even surprised this time since I usually finish my food in under five or minutes but, this time it’s 3. Like I said earlier, my family and I have voracious appetites and a dire liking to food so we eat quickly.

I get up and push the chair in because my next destination is the Midnight Raven’s headquarters, which is right next to the castle, there is literally a hallway that connects both buildings. I walk through the hallway into the headquarters. There are some things I have to do before I go to the meeting: I have to pick up my documents to return to the Wizard King, and I also have to use that essay at the meeting so I don’t stress myself out on what to write like I did last time.

I had finally made it to my office and I pulled out the key to unlock my door office door, I see that everything is still the same as last night. At least I don’t have to sit here all day and write so much to where I almost lose all my sanity. All I have to do is set up missions and give my fellow subordinates their payment. I should probably do that right since I have some time. I walk over to my desk and take a seat in my chair, I lean back and give out a huge sigh, making frosty smoke come out my mouth, making the taste of my breakfast linger away. My mouth is now numb.

_ This job isn’t easy but it's something I have to do for the sake of my family and the Kingdom. I will  _ **_not_ ** _ falter anymore. Losing is not an option at this point, I need to find the demon that is ruining my family, get mothers sanity back and then become the Wizard Queen. _

As that thought goes to my head, it really starts to get to me on how not any of us are scared about what is going to happen to us, we literally have a demon that is where in this world, trying to ruin our family, my mother is doing nothing sitting in a wheelchair, making about ten-thousand chatter boxes and paper cranes everyday muttering something that I just can't understand. It’s like we're confident that we are going to defeat this thing and get it over with when in reality, we really don’t know how strong it is and what it can do to the Kingdom. 

Just thinking about it is making me scared and I’m so worried- especially for my baby sister. I haven’t told Adrizeh anything about the curse and she gets her Grimoire next month. Hell. I didn’t even tell her that I'll be sending her to a completely different squad with no explanation. I’m not even sure when to tell her either. 

Maybe I’m worrying too much and this is just me overthinking.

I’m pretty sure my brat of a husband doesn’t overthink and worry about things. Shit. He even takes it out on his innocent baby sister. Even though she has done nothing wrong. Poor Noelle. If I could adopt her, I would. And I would take the most care of her and train her as hard and best as I could.

Wait. Why am I even thinking about all of this when I have shit to do today? That’s a problem I have, let me just start writing some prompts and ideas for the meeting so I can get that over with and start writing down the missions.

**_Timeskip to 11:20AM!_ **

I finally finished writing down the missions to my subordinates, assigning them, sent one of my squadmates to send all the paperwork to the Wizard King, all I need to do is give out payment. Since it’s 11:20AM, I don’t really have the time to do everyone since there are about 3,400 members of us and I won't be able to do everyone’s pay since I have a meeting in a full hour. 

_ Headquarters is about 30 minutes away, all I need to do is make a creation spell and get there easily. Is Adkai even up yet? I’ll probably need him to do the payments. I’m not sure if I’ll have the time or energy to even do them before tomorrow… _

With that thought, I bring out a piece of paper from my desk and get a pen. I need to write a letter to Adkai to take over for today. I write:

_ This is your dear twin sister, Y/N, _

_ I’ll need you to stop eating all the damn seafood in the castle for once. I have a Captain’s meeting at  _ **_12:20PM._ **

_ All I need you to do is check the list of squad members we have, the list and documents are in the top left draw in this desk.  _

_ The check and payments are in the safe on the right side of the room, I’m pretty sure  _ **_you should know the password to it. It’s literally all the month numbers of our birthdays in chronological order._ **

_ I’m basically telling you to set up the payments for our subordinates, if it isn’t done by today,  _ **_I’ll tell the chefs to ban seafood for you till the end of the year and you’ll also lose your rank as Vice-Captain._ **

_ Do you understand? _

_ -Your dear twin sister, Y/N _

That should do it for him, anything that involves seafood will make Adkai forced to do that favor. It’s quite funny actually. The man will do anything for the sake of food. What a relatable twin. Adkai is the type of person that you would catch snooping around, his most visited place is my office so of course he would have to do something for me. He is also Vice-Captain so he would need to do  _ some _ work.

Well, I guess it’s time to go to the meeting, I don’t want to be late.

**_Timeskip!_ **

I had finally made it to the Royal Capital where our meeting would take place. I check my watch to see that the current time is, it is now 11:55AM. That’s strange because it didn’t take me that long last time to come to the Royal Capital. Whatever.

I walked inside the entrance of the tower of the castle to see the familiar hallways that had pictures of art, the best moments this Kingdom has had in history, and mostly other things. I walked up the staircase to the final floor where the doors of the meeting room were.

So far, no one is here besides me, meaning that I am the only one here. I’m usually like the fourth person here but guessing that’s not the case this time. I guess I should head inside the room since I hate standing.

I open the doors to see that no one- not even Sir Julius is here yet. Might as well take a seat. I sit down in the second chair, nearest to the door which is on the left side of the room and wait.

_ Why is nobody here yet? I get that it’s a little early but usually- _

“Good afternoon, Y/N.” I hear a voice come from the doubles as I turn my head to see the figure of Fuegoleon, I give him a small smile since I haven't seen him in ages.

“Hello, Fuegoleon. It’s been a long time. Hasn’t it?” I say, as I stand to walk towards him. I rarely get to see Fuegoleon since we are both busy, we only get to see each other at meetings and joint missions. Another reason why I rarely get to see him is that Nozel is always suspicious of me and him so he gave me some restrictions when the three of us are together. I don’t follow the restrictions because I find them very childish and stupid. It’s not like me and Fuegoleon flirt or anyone, we just have nice friendly banter. That’s all. 

He probably thinks I’m cheating on him. Which I won’t because I’m a very loyal person.

It’s probably one of traits to assume things since he is a Capricorn.

**_(I’m a Capricorn too...so...don’t judge :))_ **

“Yes it has since we last saw each other.” He says to me with a little smile on his face, “And every time I see you, you just get  _ more beautiful _ each time that we meet.” He says with a small chuckle.

I blush a bit since I usually don’t get compliments like that, usually when people compliment me, it’s towards my body and how fit and thick I am, it’s never towards my face.

“Thanks.” I thanked him, “Everytime I see you, you get more muscular and  _ handsome _ . I see why the ladies fall for you.” I finished as I gave out a small giggle. Everytime I compliment Fuegoleon, he gets a bit embarrassed and it's really funny to watch. I don’t know why though.

“Is that so?” He replied with a blush plastered on his cheeks, coughing into his hand.

_ Man. It’s so funny when he gets flustered. Fuegoleon will forever be one of a kind. I hope he gets himself a wife soon, he’s getting old.  _ I think to myself as I chuckle, scratching my head a bit.

“Anyways, we should sit down and wait for the others.” I suggest as I walk back over to my seat and sit in it again. Fuegoleon takes the seat on the right of mine.

“What do you think this meeting will be about? I haven’t heard anything huge like a bombing, terrorist attack or anything similar to those two things.” Fuegoleon says as he looks up to the ceiling.

“I have no clue, probably a follow up and update of our squads and everything. I haven’t heard anything major so it’s probably just an update.” I guessed. “Speaking about updates, how have you been?” I asked him.

“I’m fine. I’m just kind of stressed with Meroleona trying Leopold like he is a Lion of some sort.” He sighed, closing his eyes. He honestly looks stressed, I wonder how bad Mero is training Leopold, he is only 14. Poor Leopold and Fuegy.

“That’s weird, isn’t he only 14 and she’s putting him in that type of training? That’s...a bit too much if you ask me…” I say as I pull out the essay that I prepared for this meeting. “Poor boy, I just hope he survives…”

“Yeah. Anyways, how is your baby sister?” He asks me.

“She is doing amazing right now, I haven’t heard anything negative about her training, she usually comes to me and updates me on how well she's doing herself since I barely get to see her. I know she’ll become a brilliant magic knight” I tell the red-haired captain, still focusing on my essay still.

All of a sudden, I hear the double doors open as I turn my head and see the familiar, cold-hearted face of my husband; Nozel Silva.

“Hello, Nozel. How are you?”I ask him, with a tint of happiness in my voice, trying to ignore the thoughts of what happened yesterday. Nozel does nothing but glare at me, taking the last seat to my left. Not looking at me or Fuegoleon.

I give him nothing but a confused look. Is he still bothered by what happened yesterday night? We both apologized and helped each other with paperwork so, why is he acting all hostile now? Nothing else happened, I didn’t say rude or disrespectful things. What’s with him?

“What’s wrong? Why are you acting all hostile?” I questioned Nozel, still giving him a concerned look, holding my paper a bit tighter.

“Yeah, Nozel. Why can’t you greet your wife with respect?” Fuegoleon adds, giving Nozel a small disgusted look. The silver haired Captain gave him a look of absolute disgust while I just sat there, confused.

Nozel does nothing but let out a sigh as we both look at him with concern.

“I don’t know...why were the two of you flirting with each other like you were a married couple?”

_ Flirting...Oh shit. Did he hear us talking? We weren’t even flirting. It was just compliments and friendly banter. _

“Flirting? Nozel, you know I would never flirt with another man that I consider my brother…” I told him with a shaky voice, now looking at him with a very confused and slighting angered look. “What’s going on?” I asked.

“Well that’s what it sounded like when I was outside the room, listening to you to  _ flirt to each other _ ,  _ endlessly _ .” My husband chided, with his eyes closed him. I turn my head to my left to see Fuegoleon giving a Nozel a disappointed but confused look on his face.

“Nozel, why are you acting like this? All I was doing was giving your wife a compliment, s _ omething that you hesitate and fail to do _ . You barely show her love or affection everytime I see you with her, _ you _ treat her like she's nothing but a nuisance when  _ all she is trying to do is love you as she should.”  _ Fuegoleon countered as Nozel’s face showed a bit of anger when he looked at him.

Sadness clouded my face as I let out a frosty sigh. Fuegoleon is right, all I’m trying to do is be a good wife to Nozel and love him like I do. I’ve always tried to show my love for Nozel in public but it doesn’t work. It’s like I’m an annoying fly who does nothing but gets in his way. 

I turned my head back to Nozel who looked annoyed with Fuegoleon’s answer. I can tell this meeting won’t go well.

“It’s none of your business how our love life is. Instead of worrying about our love life, you should go and find your own wife.” Nozel sneered. Fuegoleon’s eyes narrowed as I heard his teeth chatter. 

“Oh my God…” I mumbled as I put my paper down, now having my hands cover my face as I leaned arms on the table.“Can you two please stop?” I plead. “I can’t have you two arguing today…” I continued with the same body language.

I’m guessing that the two ignored me, because I can still feel them glaring at each other like two wild beats.

“That’s right, it's none of my business how your life is with her.” I heard the red-haired Captain start,“But, if you won’t  _ give her the respect she needs _ ,  _ give her the love she wants _ ,  _ give her happiness with the life of optimism she needs _ ,  _ give her the kids she wants _ , then I’ll do that job better than you would-”

I hear her nothing but the sound of chairs falling down, and the usual sounds of the pages of grimoire pages flipping. This isn’t going to go well. I need to stop this before it goes out of hand.

“Damn you!” I hear Nozel shout as he brings out his grimoire, ready to attack Fuegoleon with full force.

As I stood up, I brought my grimoire out at the right time to make a ice shield right before Nozel had the chance to land a mercury arrow right a Fuegoleon’s chest.

“What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you Nozel!?” 


	6. 04. don't get mad when they notice

“What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you Nozel!? Why the hell are you attacking him?” I yelled at my husband who gave me nothing but a dead look on his face.

“Because… I don’t like it when another man- especially my rival says that he’ll do a better job than me at taking care of my wife when he doesn’t even have one.” He replied, giving the Vermillion behind me a dead stare. I turn around to give Fuegoleon a worried look as I sigh in guilt for causing all this drama.

“Nozel, that doesn’t matter. Your dear wife seems miserable every time I see you with her. I don’t know what you do but it doesn’t seem good for you and her and it doesn’t change the fact that your family is a bunch of selfish brats who care for no one but themselves, they probably treat her like filth as well and of course you do nothing to stop that.” Fuegoleon argued with an angry base in his voice, his breath was loud like a lion about to tackle its prey and he was ready to tackle my husband.

“Why should I stop that? If they think she isn’t worth it or that she’s filth, then that's why they think. I can’t stop that. Their opinions have nothing to do with the marriage anyways and Y/N should stop being  _ a sensitive little brat _ about what others think about her.” Nozel shot back right at Fuegoleon. My heart dropped to my stomach when he said those last few words. Am I a really sensitive brat because I don’t take insults well since I’m not used to them?

I just stood there in shock thinking about those last few words he said. Maybe I should stop taking those insults to heart and know my worth. I know I’m more worth than a sensitive brat. I barely show emotion, only when I want to and I don’t show emotion to insults at all.

“A sensitive little brat? That’s what you think about her? Really? You think your wife is a sensitive little brat? Where the hell is your sense of shame,  _ you sick, disgusting eagle! _ ?” The red-haired Vermillion fumed, I felt his mana from behind rise by the moment. Honestly, I feel so fucking horrible right now, I hate when other’s have to get involved in our arguments because of how Nozel’s sees things or what he says. I really feel like I’m worthless at this point, all the others think that he just drags me down and it gets them in an outrage because of how he treats me in public. I’ve always tried my best to be the perfect wife for Nozel, I’ve never caused him any issues, I never insulted any of his siblings, I’ve basically done nothing wrong at all.

I know it’s probably how I’m handling the curse of my family and it’s not good. Nozel would always criticize me about how I always overwork myself, how I always overstress myself, and how I’m so nice to my fellow subordinates. It’s like he would always watch my actions and just haunts me just by looking at me and judging my every move.

I’ve tried so hard to be the perfect wife for him but, at the end of the day… everything I’ve tried is just bullshit to him. Just thinking about our relationship makes me feel so worthless to him, I feel like I’m his tool and to just be in shape when he needs me to be. Not his dear wife that loves, it doesn’t feel like that at all.

I don’t know anymore, I’ve been married to him for almost a decade and I’ve just felt worthless all these years. I just don’t know what to do at this point.

“My sense of shame? But aren’t you the man arguing to me about  _ my own wife _ ? This relationship has nothing to do with you if we're being completely honest, so you're getting angry for no reason at all. If she has a problem with what I call her or when I criticize her, then that's something that needs to be fixed. Y/N isn’t perfect and she never will be, she needs to suck it up and deal with it. I am her husband, I have the right to do whatever I please to do with her-” 

Before my husband was even able to finish his rant, I walked up to him and gave a hard  **_slap_ ** on the face. 

After I slapped him, the Captain of the Silver Eagles gave me a soft, shocked look on his face. The Captain of the Crimson Lion Kings stood there, frozen. Unable to say a word.

“Nozel.  _ Please _ , shut up. You’ve taken this too far, this shouldn’t have been a big deal in the first place.” I said in a dead but sad tone. Nozel was holding his left cheek like he had a mark or something. I didn’t slap him that hard at all actually. I’ve slapped Nozel many times when he ran his mouth too much, so this is nothing. I just don’t slap him in public which is understandable as to why Fuegoleon was just shocked and confused on why I just slapped Nozel in public like that.

I let out a sigh, my shoulders slouched a bit and a headache starting to arrive in my head. I saw Yami at the door with his mouth agape and his cigarette about to fall out of his mouth.

_ Shit. He probably saw what just happened right now. And he likes to antagonize arguments that the Captains have! This is so embarrassing right now.... _

“Well, that was entertaining.” 

_ Fuck you, Yami. _

I gave Yami a dead look of anger, he just stared at the three of us like we were siblings arguing over stolen food. It seemed like he didn’t want to get involved as well, seeing that he just went in his chair like nothing happened at all. But, I know Yami, he’ll say something stupid but rational later on if we’re still arguing. 

I then turned around to Fuegoleon who was picking up his chair and ready to sit back down in his seat, pretending like nothing happened at all so that the other Captains didn't seem suspicious like there was an argument going on. I copied Fuegoleon but instead I put my head down. I wasn’t about to cry or anything, it was only because I had a pounding headache and didn’t want to look up anymore, I’ll put my head up when the rest of the Captain’s come join us. I just don’t want to speak or talk to anyone right now.

**_Timeskip to the meeting!_ **

All of the Captains and the Wizard King were finally in the room and I put my head up and sat right back up. 

“Yo. Y/N, you okay?” Yami asks me, smoking his cigarette as usual.

“Yeah. I had a pounding headache so I just put my head down. That’s all.” I reply, picking up my paper, looking at the notes I wrote down. I wiped my eyes to feel if there was any sleep in my eyes but, instead I felt heavy bags under my eyes. I have never felt my eyes being so heavy in my life. The last time I’ve ever felt my eyes this heavy was when I was awake for at least 3 days because of the overloaded amount of paperwork I had to do around three years ago, I was so tired that I was even kicked out of the meeting because I was dozing off. Even though Dorothy has her ass asleep literally every single second we breathe.

Jesus Christ. I am a mess today.

“Okaaaay. If you need to leave then go ahe-”

“No. I’ll stay this time. I can’t be leaving meetings early just because of my state of health. There are lives that need to be saved and solutions that need to be fixed. Sleep can wait.” I nicely interrupted Yami, fixing my posture. I felt Fuegoleon’s purple eyes stare at me in concern while Nozel’s stared at me with disgust, squinting his eyes as he let out a scoff before facing his head forward. I then let out a sigh of stress and waited for the meeting to start.

“This meeting will be a short one since there are no major enemies of the Kingdom that are a serious threat.” Julius started, “but, it seems that there have been a lot of disappearances of citizens within the common realms. Have any of your subordinates reported anything like that?” The Wizard King asked. The Captain’s looked at each other, looking for answers while I just sat there, trying to memorize if my magic knights have said anything recently or if I have reports sent to me about it.

“Well, I’ve heard disappearances about women going missing in Treath and Kiten, but I haven’t gotten the details about who snatched them though. That’s a concern for me.” Charlotte spoke first, with her eyes closed, trying to remember as much as she could.

“I’ve only heard one report yesterday.” William said.

“Absolutely nothing about that.” Fuegoleon spoke.

“ _ Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... _ ” snored Dorothy. I sometimes wonder when it comes to Dorothy, does she even know what life is? All she does is sleep and I’m jealous that she doesn’t have to deal with any bullshit. I envy her sometimes. Lucky her.

“Dorothy. We cannot understand what you are saying. If you are still going to sleep then stay home next time. Damn.” Yami deadpanned, making me let out a little giggle as I covered my mouth with my hand.

“But did you hear anything about missing people, Yami?” The Wizard King sweatdropped. 

“Nope. In fact, my squad didn’t even go on missions all week, there was nothing for us to report.” Yami replied, smoking his cigarette for the third time. Is his squad even a magic knights squad or a squad for lazy people? Do they even do anything at all? If not then that's totally understandable.

“Keh keh keh! Does your squad even know what a mission is, Yami?” Jack laughed at Yami with his long tongue out. Yami had an angered look on his face from what Jack just asked. I pucker my lips so that I didn’t wheeze or laugh at the rivalry those two have. It’s freaking ridiculous, it’s been going on since Yami became Captain of the Black Bulls, and they still haven’t stopped this nonsense and I don’t know how it started and I don’t when it’s going to end. I shouldn’t really think about it though.

“I’ll say this, my squad didn’t go near Treath or Kiten or any of the common realms, we’ve only heard a ton of missing people around forsaken realms, there are too many cases in those areas so I’ll send a few of my subordinates on a mission to search and see what the cause is. It’s a rushed plan but I hope it does something so we can get to the bottom of this.” I spoke, looking at the notes that I wrote. I still felt Nozel’s cold, light violet eyes staring at me with disgust. As I ignored it, I saw from the corner of my eye that Fuegoleon had his eyes on him, staring at him with anger. I feel so uncomfortable right now, I hope this meeting can end quickly so I don’t have to deal with any of this. No one should be focusing on me, the meeting is  _ way _ more important right now.

Charlotte notices the look on Nozel’s face and the angered expression on Fuegoleon’s face. She then looked at me, seeing that I was ignoring what was going on between the two royal men. I couldn’t see her face properly but I had an idea that she was either confused or concerned about what was going on. I don’t see why she should seem bothered about all this, she should stay focused on being an independent, single woman who doesn’t need a man in her life. Trust me. It’s difficult.

“Nozel, why do you keep staring at Y/N with a look of disgust on your face everytime she says something?”

At that moment, I just wanted someone to rip my guts out with their bare hands. I’m really sick and tired of people noticing Nozel’s treatment towards me. Should I just tell them that I’m used to it? No. That would make them even more worried, and if I don’t say anything, it would be even more worrying. 

_ Ugh! Why does this man have to be so difficult to be with? _

“Why should that be any of your business?” Nozel retorted with a base in his voice. I noticed that Fuegoleon was going to say something but I tapped his right arm to get his attention so that he didn’t say a word.

Charlotte let out a sigh of confusion as she decided to just keep quiet, not trying to deal with Nozel’s bratty attitude. Yami was staring at Nozel with a side eye, it looked like he wanted to question him  _ so bad _ but was also not trying to deal with his bullshit either. Welp, at least Charlotte and Yami get the message but Fuegoleon still doesn’t get it. He needs to know that I can deal with my husband myself.

“Back to what I was saying, I was hoping that I could take a few of my squad members to those areas to see what was going on and what the cause of the missing people were.” I said aloud, looking around the room to see if anyone agreed. “Is that a decent plan or does it need improvements?” I asked the Captains surrounding me.

“Yeah. It’s decent. I could’ve more on what you were saying if your husband wasn’t staring at you like you did something disgusting.” Yami said, staring at Nozel as well.

“Yami, please just ignore him.” I said with a dead expression on my face as I folded my hands. “Wizard King sir, is there any other issues that you wanted to talk about with us?” I asked, staring at Julius, hoping he doesn’t bring up the weird tension between Nozel and I.

“Let’s see… There is a newly discovered dungeon near a forsaken realm somewhere around Hage Village… I forgot what it was called though, people have also been getting missing around there as well from what I’ve heard.” Wizard King Julius explained as I and the other Captains nodded our heads. I am a bit concerned with this because Adrizeh and her friends love to train around that area of Hage, she’s .

“Is there something wrong, Y/N?” William asked me, studying my face to see the concerned expression on my face, getting my attention. William likes staring at people from afar...it’s creepy...he needs to stop that before he gets a big boot to the face by me.

“I guess. It’s just that my baby sister likes training around that area with her friends and I’m just a bit concerned...that’s all.” I gave William a bittersweet smile, hoping that doesn’t worry too much like the others had.

“Oh...Okay…” The masked Captain said, a bit frozen for some reason.

“Well then  _ be smarter _ and reclocate her training area then.” I heard Nozel spat from my right side. I finally gave him a look of confusion, my eyes blinking rapidly at him because of his unnecessary answer.

“Jeez Nozel… I didn’t know you had your time of the month as well.” 

_ YAMI. SHUT THE FUCK UP. PLEASE. _

There was complete silence as everyone just started at Yami with a shocked expression as Nozel looked at Yami with the same disgusted expression that he gave me. Yami just sat there and smoked the last of his cigarette, not paying any looks or mind to my husband.

“What did you just say, foreigner?” Nozel growled at Yami as the Black Bull’s Captain just let out a scoff, now pointing at me who was still staring at Nozel. “I just was surprised that you spoke to your own wife like that, I didn’t expect you to treat her so poorly like that in a meeting so I just assumed that you had your time of the month.” Yami explained. 

Never have I ever felt so uncomfortable during a meeting, and not one person understands how awkward it is to be in such a situation where you just had your best friend and your husband get into an argument about you and others don’t didn’t even have a clue that happened because how well I covered it all up. Thank God Yami doesn’t run his mouth too much.

“You’re ridiculous, Yami.” Nozel scoff, turning his head away from everyone. Julius must’ve noticed the awkward vibe in the room and just stood there like he was lost in a desert, unable to think on what to do. So was I. I was so lost on what to do because of how embarrassed and tired I felt because of all this nonsense that was happening. So, I just put my head back down on the table out of exhaustion and the amount of stress that I was going through. I suddenly felt Fuegoleons hand rubbing my back, almost like a massage. It was soothing, so soothing that I felt my eyes droop from the feeling of his warm hand rubbing my back with such nice pressure going in on my back. It was such a nice feeling, it made me feel as if someone really wanted to help me get away from this stress. It made me feel grateful that Fuegoleon was there to help me on my issues when I’m having a hard time with Nozel.

I can’t even hear properly on what is going on right now, my eyes feel too heavy to even comprehend what the others are saying right now. I think I’m asleep all from Fuegoleon’s warmth. What a gentleman he is. I’ll need to repay him all for what he has done for me since we both became Captain of our squads, he’s always looked out for me when he saw I was going through a lot of stress and he still hasn’t stopped. I’ll never be able to repay him fully. I wish I could but I don’t know what is enough at this point. Not even in my relationship with Nozel.

“Should we wake her up?” I heard a voice ask but couldn’t answer because of my sleeping state.

“No. She had already looked exhausted when I came into the room. Let her sleep, it seems like she is going through a lot right now. She’s overworked herself as usual. I understand and love her determination but it’s very concerning to see someone overwork themselves like this.”

“Then she should change her schedule and suck it up. She has no excuse to be acting like this for a Captain.”

“Have sympathy for her, you know her family is going through a lot right now. At least have a sense of human decency for the hard working woman.”

“I agree.”

“ _ Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. _ ”

“Pathetic.”

“Leave her alone. Stop judging her. Jeez.”

I need to learn limits at my age, that is something I should’ve learned a long time ago. I keep overworking myself to the point I even fall asleep in meetings. Why am I still trying to figure out that things in life have limits and that I need to know them? Why is it that I don’t know when enough is enough? Why do I keep overstressing myself? What is making like this?

All these questions are flowing through my head and I don’t even know how to answer them. I should probably worry about that later and try to figure out how to wake up right now, considering how awkward it’ll be when I do.

Well, I just hope Nozel didn’t get mad when the others noticed how he treats me in public. He should focus on changing that.


	7. 05. trusted comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh… you guys might cry this chapter, I felt a tear come out of my twitching right eye... :)

“Y/N, wake up.” I heard a voice tell me, I felt someone shake my shoulder but I was still unresponsive at the moment. 

“Come on, I need you to wake up.” They said, shaking me a bit more roughly. At this, I flutter my eyes open to the familiar place of the meeting room, I slowly sat up and looked around. I looked to my right see Nozel staring at me with a concerned look on his face.

“Oh… I fell asleep…” I muttered aloud, looking around the room. “I’m guessing everyone left?” I asked my husband with a sweatdrop on my face.

“Yes, they did. While you fell asleep, they told me to talk to you...about everything…” Nozel muttered as he look to the side, staring at the table while using his finger to tap on it.

"Oh… then we should speak in private. Not here…" I sighed at Nozel, looking around the meeting room. We shouldn't speak in such a public space, somewhere like his office or bedroom would make sense.

"What about my bedroom? You look more tired than usual, maybe you can get some rest there and then head back home, your siblings might be worried.” Said Nozel, keeping the same body language.

“Agreed but I told Adkai that I’ll be back later because of the meeting.” I yawned again, picking up my piece of paper.

**_Timeskip!_ **

Nozel and I had finally made it to his bedroom, it’s been about a few months since I was in here and it still looks neat as ever, the maid really does a great job cleaning up this castle, huh? I shouldn’t even be surprised because he is a part of a royal family and mine is just a high noble- or half royal- whatever the hell people want to call us.

“Go take a seat on my bed, you look like you would collapse any minute now.” Nozel says as he rubs my left shoulder. To see if he was correct, I used my finger to feel if there was a bag under my eye and to no surprise, there was. There were just layers of saggy skin under them. I then took off my boots, I forgot I was wearing heeled boots so I almost tripped while talking the second one off, Nozel caught me before I fell even more.

“Thank you, Nozel.” I muttered on his shoulder before trying to stand up on my own, my legs felt weak as they were trying to stand up on their own. I didn’t know that staying up all night, with barely any hours of sleep could make me so clumsy and tired; even though I went to bed on time and got up a bit early, it’s probably because I’ve been doing it for the past 2 months now. The habit of going to bed late, only eating one meal a day, going on multiple missions without taking a break, and even more terrible habits that I have forgotten right now. No fucking wonder.

“You are really clumsy, aren’t you?” Nozel groaned as he lifted me onto his arms, basically a bridal style carry. He slowly walked us towards the bed and then set me down. I shifted so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed, having my arms carrying my head while on my thighs.

“Yeah…” I yawned again as Nozel sat beside me.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked him, giving him a small smile.

“I wanted to talk about what's going on with you right now, you look horrible.” My husband told me as he stared at me with a concerned look. It’s really rare for him to speak to me about my issues since we’re so busy dealing with our squads and going on missions. Nozel would only speak to me if I looked really bad or that I would have a breakdown, which rarely happens. I always hesitate to tell him because I don’t want him judging me for my problems or shit that I can’t get under my control but I guess this would be a good time if I choose to. 

“A lot of things that I’m too afraid to tell you.” I muttered out, not giving my husband any eye contact as he gave me that same look of concern, his eyebrows frowned, and his eyes squinted, kind of looking at me as if I failed him.

“Why are you so afraid to talk to me? I’m your husband for crying out loud…” Nozel’s voice spoke in a sad tone, as he moved his left hand to clench my thigh, giving it a soft squeeze.

I find it quite strange that Nozel is asking me why I’m so afraid to talk to him, I’m not afraid of talking to him… what’s really bothering me is what his answers are. I’m the type of person to hold stuff in because I’m scared of what people would tell me- especially the ones closer to me. I’m too scared to tell my family my issues because I’m concerned that they will judge me and say that I’ve failed them and with my husband, it’s even more scary since he is a strict man who resents failure and the weak. Because of my husband’s personality, I always hesitate to talk to him. It’s like I’m not even his wife when it comes to issues, I’m more like nothing but trash.

“Yeah but…” My voice started to crack, as I felt my body starting to shake at a slow pace, “I-I’m scared… I just don’t want to get judged for things I can’t p-properly control… I feel weak” I stuttered as the feeling of the familiar, cold and icy tears came out of my eye sockets, my hands now covering my face to hide the sadness that just exploded out of me. I felt my husband slide his hands slowly around my back as he pulled me into his chest, laying his head over mine.

I just felt overwhelmed, scared, nervous, frightened, anxious. I was too scared to tell Nozel a lot of things. Ever since mom has lost her mind and her ability to walk, and father went to the Spade Kingdom, a lot of things have been left on me to deal with, everyone else in our family doesn’t know what to do or how to deal with these things. The curse is slowly passing down to us, slowly making us scared and nervous for what could happen in the near future. It’s such a scary thing and I don’t know what to do or who to tell without someone judging me or saying that they don’t know how to help. It sucks but what can I do?

“It’s okay, my love… just calm down… I know things have been difficult for you and you’re stressed about a lot of things…” I heard Nozel whisper softly in my ear as his hands snaked under my robe to let his hands sneak their way onto my bare back. 

I don’t remember Nozel being this affectionate to me besides yesterday. It’s actually quite rare to find each other in such a position like this since we barely speak to each other about anything. I won’t take things for granted so I’ll embrace my husband’s affection towards me. Right now, I need all the love I can get. I may be needy at this moment but I can’t help it, there are a lot of things I can’t help and I just need someone I love to comfort me.

“I’m sorry for treating you so harshly… I just want you to get stronger and be better. I don’t mean to take my anger out on you, I really don’t…” I heard my husband’s voice starting to shake and stutter, yet I didn’t hear him stifling out a cry or a teardrop fall on me. “I’m really sorry, Y/N… I really don’t mean to treat you like shit all of the time… I really don’t…” Nozel then sobbed, putting his head on my shoulder.

I don’t remember the last time I heard my husband cry like this. He barely shows emotion and he’s been like this since his mother's death, he isn’t the type of person to cry over other’s pain because I don’t think there is a memory in my head that I’ve heard or seen Nozel cry over someone. I’m guessing he’s crying because he’s overwhelmed? What would be bothering him? Is it me? He shouldn’t be crying over me… My issues shouldn’t affect him at all. If so I want to tell him to stay strong, like he always is.

“I’m the... worst husband ever, right? All I do is insult you and degrade you for what you are...” I heard him mutter to me over his quiet sobs and the feeling of him clenching to me tightly. My eyes widened at his words, making me pour out more tears and my voice whimpering out the last of my happiness. I clenched Nozel tighter as I leaned my head up to his shoulder, making me sit on his lap.

“D-don’t say that, Nozel. You’re going to m-make me even more upset than I already am…” I smiled sadly but softly at his words. It’s rare for such a man like him to say such lowly words about himself. Yes, he can be cruel and strict most of the time but I know deep down there is a soft spot that can come out of him at any moment about anything of his family or me.

“Maybe Fuegoleon was right about everything he said because I don’t know if I can give you the life of happiness and optimism you want if I just keep treating you like your nothing because I’m everything out on you when all you are doing is trying your best…” Nozel wept, rocking me back and forth. “I don’t know why you fell in love with me. I’m a horrible person to love…” 

_ I can’t… _

I am speechless. Confused. Worried. Absolutely perplexed. I don’t know where all of this sadness came from, I don’t know what got over him to make him cry like this. I knew Nozel had a soft spot inside of him but I didn’t know that he could be this sad. 

My tears kept on falling out of my eye sockets endlessly as the old ones froze on my face as the little ice drops landed on Nozel’s robe. I felt him continuously rock me back and forth as the only sound was him quietly sobbing on my shoulder. I can’t see that face of his but I know it must wet one filled with regret and anger.

I decided not to say anything at all because I didn’t know what to say, I was too sad and nervous to tell him anything. Did the words of our fellow captains get to him? Did they tell him something that struck him as I was asleep? What is it that made him sad this time?

Was it me?

Was it Nozel himself?

Is it… us because we’re in this marriage and we don’t know how to make the best of it?

This relationship of ours, I don’t know what to make of it at all. And I don’t know how we can fix this at all.

Maybe the curse is haunting the both of us as we sit here.

Honestly, I don’t know...


	8. 06. hidden secrets (nozel)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mentions and actions of sexual violence, rape.

I kept on sobbing on Y/N’s shoulder as she clenched onto me even more. We just cried on each other's shoulders for God knows how long. The both of us didn’t know what to do nor what to say. It was the first time we’ve seen each other like this in a long time because we hide issues from each other.

In a relationship, the couple should be able to tell their loved one what’s wrong, their issues, tell them if they need help, advice, and more if needed but, with Y/N and I, that  _ rarely _ happens. Basically never.

I hate this. I hate this so damn much. I hate how I keep taking out my issues and anger on my wife, I’m supposed to love her and treat her with love and give her the life she wants and needs. Everything Fuegoleon said earlier was correct, he didn’t lie about a single thing. He was right about almost everything, it was like he read through us- no-  _ me _ .

That man has known me since birth, he knows my motives, he knows my personality, he knows how much of a prideful man I am. I could go on and on but the more I think about it the more I’ll get more upset. Him saying that he’ll do a better job at taking care of Y/N than me really gave me a sharp jab in the heart, not only did it hurt me because I love Y/N but at the same time, he’s right. 

It just pisses me off that I’m so arrogant and I don’t even treat my wife the way she wants to be treated. Looking back at all the things I’ve said about her makes me feel even more of a horrible husband.

_ “Woman, you are being very pathetic right now.” _

_ “Y/N should stop being a sensitive little brat about what others think of her.” _

_ “Y/N isn’t perfect and she never will be, she needs to suck it up and deal with it. I am her husband and I have the right to do whatever I want with her…” _

I said all those things about Y/N? My precious wife? Just what kind of human being am I? I’m horrible and too prideful that I just degrade Y/N almost everytime I see her. She must feel beyond horrible right now. Why don’t I take her feelings into consideration? I know how much she loves me and it seems like I don’t even care about her, why am I taking out all my frustrations and issues out on her?

“Nozel…” Y/N sniffed, removing her head off my shoulder to look at me with those red, tear-filled eyes of hers. “I’m s-sorry…” She stuttered as she looked down on my lap.

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” I questioned her with a sad tone, looking at her with confusion.

“I...I...I’m s-sorry for b-being weak!” My wife cried out before she pushed me down on the soft bed, tightly wrapping her arms around me as she was on top of me, crying onto my chest. “I’m sorry that I make you upset most of the time because I’m so weak… please forgive me!” She continued to sob on my robe. 

_ No, my love… that’s not right… Why are you thinking so negatively about yourself? _

“Y/N… that isn’t true at all… please… stop thinking so negatively about yourself… That  _ pains me so much _ .” I snivelled, clenching onto her tightly, rubbing her back.

The hidden secret was that I was still so broken. I was so broken that my mother had died from a curse, father left without saying a word, Y/N’s mother just suddenly became mentally ill and has leg paralysis because of her curse. It all suddenly made me so upset, even though it was years ago. And those issues aren’t just it.

There are  _ many more horrible _ things that have happened to us and if we're being honest, those problems… almost all of them happened to Y/N and were caused by  _ me _ . I’m mostly the cause of her stress, trauma, and her other personal issues.

I’m the one who caused Y/N the most pain to her body. I know she’s still broken from what happened 4 years ago. That’s why she doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me, nor think about having children anymore. 

_ “N-no… Nozel… p-please stop! Stop! I’m begging you! Please… I don’t want any of this right now! I’m scared... G-get off me, please!” _

_ “Shut it, Y/N. Why do you think you have the right to tell me what to do? Just be a good, obedient wife for once and take it.” _

_ “No… I’m begging y-you! Please s-stop- mnph!” _

The memory of her begging me to stop just haunts me. The sound of her pained, scared, helpless voice still follows me like a forgotten ghost, begging me for help that I try to run away from. I think about it every single damn day because of how prideful and cold I was towards her, I didn’t care about how she felt or what was going to happen to her but now, I see what's happening and I honestly don’t want to think about it.

It’s better if I don’t. Because if I keep thinking about how I forced myself on her… I might just do it again out of anger and fear.

And that won’t be good for us- especially Y/N herself.

_ Damn it, Nozel! Why are you thinking about that? Don’t you hear your wife crying and degrading herself? Why won’t you say something, you arrogant fool? _

“Y/N…” I finally sighed with one more tear leaving my right eye. “Listen to me. I need to ask you something.”

“H-huh?” 

“Do you take me seriously when I call you weak or pathetic?” I asked her, she let me go off her tight grasp to look at me with the same, bleak, sad face with her red, swollen eyes and her tears still coming out. 

“Yes…” I heard her mutter out as she turned her head to the side, not looking at me with those sad eyes of hers. I focus my attention on her arms as they are on both sides before looking at her right hand where our ring was on her ring finger. The diamond glimmered in the light.

“Why? Why do you let my insults get you so much?” I questioned my wife, she scrunched up her face, giving me a sad smile, seeing a few tear droplets come out of her swollen eyes.

“Because… it’s true what you say about me… it’s all true. I am weak, I’m not very smart, I’m sensitive about what others say to me and I’m not worth anything-”

Before she could finish saying such horrible things about herself, I forcefully pulled her shirt so I could bring her down to me to pull her into a passionate kiss. I felt my wife’s eyes widen at the sudden action but paid no mind to it. I started by using my wet muscle to lick her lips for an opening before she immediately obeyed, our lips moved around as my tongue explored her cavern. I felt the familiar freezing, wintry breath of hers take over my mouth, it made me shiver as my nerves were tense.

“N-Nozel I-” I heard Y/N stutter through our make out but I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear say anything else that was negative, I want to take it off of our minds. 

I just want her to feel good for once even without her consent.

As Y/N tried to disconnect our lips, I flipped her so that she was under me and that her head was on the pillows. I examined her face as I saw that look of fright and guilt, the icy tears drying up on her face from the red eyes that cried out. My wife didn’t move at all- in fact, she was shaking.

“Nozel… What are you planning to do to me?” The (h/c) woman asked quietly as she let out a shaky breath. I took off my robe before leaning into Y/N’s left ear, I could hear her shaky breath and the feeling of her hands grabbing onto mine, like a signal for me to stop. I really want to stop because I don’t want to hurt her at all but at the same time,  _ I need her _ .

“I… just wanted to show you some love… that’s all.”

After I said that, there was an awkward silence between the both of us. At this point, I just wanted to love her, I didn’t want to cause her anymore pain and depression as I did over the years. Regardless if I had her consent or not, I just need to show her that I still love her, whatever I do to her.

_ I need her. I just want to love her again. _

To cut off the threatening silence that surrounded my bedroom between my wife and I, I took it upon myself to start something. My hands began to forcibly grab off Y/N’s midnight colored robe, throwing it on the floor after. I leaned into her neck again and started to undo the buttons of her shirt to reveal her gray bra and the size of her big breasts. I saw her tears running down her face with the same frightened expression she had on earlier.

_ Why isn’t she doing anything? _

I began to lean into her neck until her lands grabbed onto my shoulders, I leaned back to take a proper look at her. Her eyes looked at me as I could see the pure sadness in them, you could literally see that she was scared and that there was no question that she wanted me to stop.

I wanted to stop as well but, I just couldn’t do it. I want her to love me again.

_ “Nozel… please… I’m begging you… stop it, please.” _

  
  



	9. 07. if only you were her (nozel)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// flashbacks and actions sexual violence, rape, and a sexual affair. (Not to Y/N this time.)
> 
> I am so sorry if this is triggering.

“Nozel… please… I’m begging you… stop it, please.” Y/N slowly cried, clenching onto my shoulders tighter.

“Why?” I questioned her, “Why do you want me to stop? I’m just trying to give you the love you need…” I finished muttering.

“I’m scared… I don’t want you to let me go through all that pain again... I’m not ready.” Y/N sobbed, backing away from me. I did nothing but let out a sigh of tiredness. I knew this wasn’t going to work out the way I wanted it to.

_ You’re so selfish, Nozel. Already forcing yourself on your wife without her consent like the prideful man you are. Now that’s pathetic. _

_ You can try to carry on but it’s not going to work out well. _

“Y/N, please-”

“I. Said. No.” Y/N quietly spoke up with a dead tone and fear in her voice. “You’ll just… abuse me like you always do… and I don’t want to go through all of _ that _ again.” She finished. I just gave her a look of sadness on my face before I sighed again.

“Can I leave now? I-I have to go back because I have paperwork to finish and I have to check on my little sister.” The h/c-haired quickly asked me as she buttoned up her shirt and fixed her cape and robe before quickly getting off the bed to put her boots on. I know that isn’t the case because of what just happened but I’ll let her go.

“Yes, you may. Your family might be worried.” I responded, getting off the bed. “Should I walk you-”

“No! N-no. No. No. No. I’m fine, thank you! I’d rather go by myself since it looks like it’s going to rain soon, I wouldn’t want you getting wet because of me.” Y/N quickly said while putting on her boots before opening the door with her hood on.

“Goodbye, Nozel.” Was all I heard before my wife quickly ran out the door before closing it.

_ Nozel… you really are an arrogant, prideful, selfish man. Aren’t you? _

I hate myself. I hate how I’ve made my wife so scared of me. I hate how she doesn’t even want to sleep in the same bed as me. I hate how she doesn’t even want to have children with me anymore.

I don’t understand why I don’t take her feelings into consideration and I just do what I want with her like she’s not even human. It makes me feel so guilty and angry, and the fact that I didn’t listen to her pleas for me to stop makes me even more livid.

Why do I keep trying to force myself on her? Why don’t I listen to her when she says stop? Why do I keep doing this? Why don’t I take her feelings into consideration? Why can’t I change? Why am I so prideful and arrogant that I take full advantage of my wife and don’t even treat her like she's a human being?

_ “I’m begging you… stop hurting me.” _

“Damn it…” I angrily groaned out as I clench my fists, preventing myself from punching the wall. The sound of thunder erupted from outside before heavy rain started come down.

If only I had stopped myself and I listened to her, we could’ve had a family, continue our legacy but no… all because of my arrogance.

I should stop thinking about this, before I really cause havoc.

_ Maybe I should call  _ **_her_ ** _ up here later tonight. I’m too stressed to deal with this by myself. I need a stress reliever. _

**_Timeskip!_ **

It was now 7:00PM, and I had just finished all of my paperwork and other urgent tasks before the night started. It was lightly raining at this point, different from the heavy thunder earlier. I’ve had a hard time trying to get Y/N off my mind. It's like she’s still there, haunting me.

But at the same time, I’m the cause of all this. I should just suck it up.

I’m currently waiting for my personal maid, Olivia to come and clean my bedroom, this is what she always does around this time. But, this _ isn’t the only _ she does when she comes up here.

I was about to head to my personal bathroom before I heard a knock on the door. It must be Olivia.

I walked over to my bedroom door before opening it to see the maid that I expected to come. Olivia had her usual dark brown hair in a bun, her green eyes staring at me, and she wore her usual dark red maid overdress.

“Hello, lord Nozel. I’m here to-”

“I know what you’re here for, you don’t need to say it everytime.” I sighed at her usual antics. She always tells me that she’s here to clean my room and it’s very repetitive and annoying but, sometimes, if I’m angry, she’ll come up here and  _ do more _ than just clean my room.

I made a deal with Olivia and the deal is that if I’m overwhelmed, stressed, or angry, then she’ll be doing me favors that please me. I have her full consent and she gets paid double for it on top as her job as my personal maid.

“I’m going to start with the bed if that’s okay with you-”

“Olivia, I want to do  _ it _ . Right now.” I boldly told her, she looked at me with her eyes widened and the rest of her face told me that she was either shocked or confused. I just stared at her right in the eyes with an emotionless face but deep down I was still ashamed but needy at the same time because of what happened earlier..

“ Lord Nozel, I don’t think I can do that-”

“Olivia, I said. Right. Now.” I abruptly interrupted her again, grabbing onto her arm harshly only for her to give me a scared face. She was shaking and started to sweat. Everytime I told her that we would have intercourse and I was angry, she would always be scared that I would be too rough on her or that I would accidentally finish inside her. I don’t understand why she’s scared because I wouldn’t go rough on her any way, she’s only my maid to clean up and help me with personal needs and she’s  _ just _ my sexual partner, not my wife or anyone special. She should just be grateful that she gets paid more.

“B-but lord Nozel, I-I can’t-”

“That’s it.” I angrily groaned. I hastily picked the green-eyed woman up over my shoulder, slammed the door closed, made sure I locked it, then walked over to my king sized bed, then slammed Edna on it, making her gasp in fear. I quickly crawled on top of her and undo her dress while she was trying to fight me off.

“N-no… lord Nozel… p-please stop! I’m begging you… I don’t want any of this right now… I’m scared… G-get off me, please!” She pleaded, pushing my shoulders away with her hands.

_ “N-no… Nozel… p-please stop! I’m begging you… I don’t want any of this right now… I’m scared… G-get off me, please!” _

_ She sounds just like Y/N when she pleaded to me to stop 4 years ago. But at the same time, I’m needy and I want to feel Y/N’s touch again… but I keep doing it with a maid who is just trying to do her job so she can take care of her family… _

Y/N’s voice echoed in my head again. It’s like I can never escape her, it’s like she’s haunting me for revenge even though she was screaming at me to stop. 

I couldn’t handle it anymore.

I flipped Olivia over so that she was facing the bed before undoing the buttons of her green overdress. She was struggling, trying to flip over so that she tried to stop me.

“Stop it, Olivia. Why do you think you have the right to tell me what to do? Just be a good, obedient maid for once and take it. You’re getting paid for this, so be grateful.” I told her with no remorse in my voice as she continued to whimper and struggle.

_ “Shut it, Y/N. Why do you think you have the right to tell me what to do? Just be a good obedient wife and take it.” _

“No… I’m begging y-you! Please s-stop- mnph!” Forcefully, I smashed my lips on the green-eyed maid so that she could plead or say anything else. I regret doing this to any woman who is not my wife but it’s the only way for her to be quiet.

_ She sounds just like  _ **_her_ ** _. I hate it. _

_ “No… I’m begging y-you! Please s-stop- mnph!”  _

Damn it. It’s like  _ she’s _ the one right in front of me, telling me to stop.

My lips were still connected to hers as I pulled her green overdress off and then she was left with her shirt, socks, and her underwear and bra on.

At this point, she was crying, just like  _ her _ , she was whimpering, just like  _ her,  _ and she was acting, just like  _ her _ .

I felt the brown-haired woman’s tears make contact with my face as I deepened the unforgiving, sloppy kiss that was led by me as I danced and snaked my tongue around Olivia’s mouth. I still felt her struggling, her hands tightly grabbing onto my arms to stop me from going further but I didn’t care, I needed this. I have way more strength than her that I can use to my advantage.

My right hand started to slide to the insides of her right leg, I felt her whimper and moan between our lips as I still explored her mouth with my tongue. It didn’t feel right at all. Not at all. 

It was because she wasn’t  _ her _ .

With that, I disconnected our lips and used my hands to snake around her plump, thick thighs. Just  _ her _ thighs.

  
  


_ Why does she have the same body as her!? She literally has the same body type as her… Same everything actually… the same soft, sweet voice, almost the same words as they plead… what’s going on? _

Is this what I get for forcing myself on them?

“Hmm… if only you were her, I would’ve decided you eat you out but, you aren’t  _ her _ and you will never be  _ her _ .” I spoke with a deep, low tone, that made Olivia shake in even more. “But, I won’t do that, I’ll do something that will satisfy me more while you’re here instead of  _ her _ .”

“Lord Nozel what are you going to do to me? I’m so scared…” Olivia cried out, turning away from me but I didn’t care. I planted her face into the pillows again so that her screams and whimpers would be muffled and that her ass was facing upwards right in front of me. 

I felt my libido rising as I pulled my pants down with my land and pulled off her underwear with my right hand before reaching for a condom in my drawer. I pulled the rest of my boxers and pants down to put on the protection while I heard my personal maid crying and whimpering still.

“Please… let me go… I’m begging you…” 

_ “Please let me go… I’m begging you…” _

Damn it. Her voice keeps coming back.

I penetrated my manhood into her hole before she let out a scream of either pleasure or pain, I couldn’t tell because she was still letting out those whimpers and cries while they were muffled.

“Ahh! It hurts… please stop!”

_ “Nozel… Ahh… please stop…” _

I tightly held onto her hips as I started to thrust mercilessly inside of her, Olivia’s upper body was low and her lower body was up so I could get a good angle. She was tightening around me, even though she said she didn’t want this to happen, it was hard for me to thrust because of how tight she was, it was like she was denying it the whole time.

“Mnp...mmm...it hurts so bad… please...s-st-st-stop...I’m begging y-you… Ah!” Olivia moaned as her voice was muffled, I didn’t have a good look of her face but I could see that her eyes were red and squinted and leaking out those endless tears… just like  _ hers _ .

_ “It… it… hurts so bad…mnph...mmm... please stop…” _

“I can’t stop… you feel so good…” I panted, sweat leaking down my face, my body feeling like it wanted to explode and release.

I know that this is so messed up but my libido was rising to a point where I couldn’t handle it anymore, I felt so good that I wanted to explode, it was too much, even though it wasn’t  _ her _ .

As I continued thrusting into her, the heat in my stomach rose as I felt the protection ripped at the tip a bit because of how hard and deep I thrusted into her.

_ Shit! I need to pull out, I don’t need  _ **_that_ ** _ happening but with a different person who isn’t  _ **_her_ ** _. _

“Nozel… please stop… I’m-” I heard Olivia whisper, as I felt her liquids pour out over the ripped condom, I felt myself reaching climax before it started to ooze out uncontrollably.

_ “Nozel, please stop! Stop it, I’m-Ah... mnphhh!” _

“Fuck… you’re squeezing me so hard you’re making ooze out a little… Are you trying to get pregnant by me or you really are just denying it?” I wearily asked her, my thrusts got more sloppier and slower but I stopped oozing out my cum, thankfully. The sound of our skin slapping and the bed creaking filled up the room as she tried to come up with an answer.

“N-No… That’s n-not… ahh...mnphh… I can’t-” Olivia tried to speak but more but she just kept on squirting out her contractions. I was still releasing tiny amounts at a time but I felt like I was too close and I actually came fully inside her but I couldn’t tell. 

_ “Nozel… I’m pregnant…” _

_ Fuck. _

Just at the right time, before I could fully release as I was still oozing right inside Olivia’s entrance, I quickly pulled out and shot large amounts of semen that landed all over the bed header and a bit on Olivia’s shirt.

“If… you… were…  _ her _ … I would’ve done it unprotected… but… you aren’t…” I panted out as I collapsed next to her on the right side of the bed.

It was quiet for a few minutes as there was just the sound of us panting.

“Lord Nozel…” I heard Olivia speak up.

“Yes, Olivia?”

“I’m pregnant.”

_ What? _


	10. 08. wish for an abditory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abditory  
> (n.) a place into which you can disappear; a hiding place  
> -

**_Around 6 hours earlier!_ **

As soon as I left Nozel’s bedroom as quickly as I could before anyone spotted. My hands were still shaking in fear and anxiety from what just happened. I couldn’t believe it, he almost forced himself on me again.

Luckily, while I was walking down the empty hallway, one of the windows were opened and was big enough for a person my size or smaller to fit in so I could escape without anyone noticing me. 

Quickly, I held onto the edge and vaulted before I used my magic robe to fly into the sky and towards the direction of my families conjoined castle and squad base. 

I was flying away so fast that I didn’t even look behind me to see multiple flocks of birds, some breaking apart and some falling towards the ground.

_ Shit. I’m going too fast… the hectic amount of gale flowing onto my face is making it too hard to breathe but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I get away from that place as fast as possible.  _

**_Timeskip!_ **

****

I finally made it back to the base and headed straight towards the entrance to the family part of the conjoined building. I was lucky the doors were open so that I could walk in but there would be maids and guards there which is the downside.

I really don’t want to see anyone’s face right now. I’m too embarrassed and scared. 

I landed carefully and quietly on my feet and started to head into the entrance. I saw that there weren’t many people around and they were just doing their daily work or about to go on errands. I still just don’t want them to talk to me though, now is not the time.

I started to walk through the right way of the big hallway, walking as quickly as I could with paying any mind to anyone as my head was filled with horrid memories, nightmares, and flashbacks.

_ “Nozel… What are you doing? Why are you taking off my clothes?” _

_ “What do you think I’m doing?” _

_ “No… Nozel s-stop this, please. Get off- ouch!” _

_ “Quiet, woman.” _

_ The painful memories… the horrid flashbacks… Why? _

My walking speed was quickening up, as I was now near the first flight of stairs out of all 6 floors, but I’m lucky my room is on the 5th floor. A few maids, guards, and other working people saw me and smiled, giving me waves as well. I had to give them a fake smile back because I didn’t want them to see how scared and uncomfortable I was right now. After I smiled at them, I walked very quickly, hoping no one would talk to me or bow to me, it isn’t the time for that right now. All I want to do is be  _ alone _ .

Finally, I made it to the fifth floor, where my room was and I didn’t see many people around. I felt myself starting to shake uncontrollably, my lungs tightening up, making it really hard for me to breathe, more horrible memories coming up in my head, making me feel light headed. My knees started to shake as well as my fingers were starting to shake rapidly. I stood there, like I was about to lose my mind. If anyone were to see me, they would know something would be wrong.

“Ahh! Melvani, he’s so adorable, he looks just like you!” 

_ Is that Melvani? Oh shit-  _ I thought to myself as I heard a maid’s voice speak to my little sister on the other side of the hall. I forgot that Melvani gave birth two months ago, I’ve been so busy that I forgot and now is not a good time to think about children. 

“You think so? He looks more like his father if anything.” I heard Melvani say.

“No. He looks just like you, the green eyes, the skin complexion… everything!”

_ “It would really be nice if our child looked like me, but they had your beautiful eyes… just something about that would be such a nice combination… _

_ “My eyes? What is so special about my eyes? They are just (E/C) and glow when I use my magic.” _

_ “Exactly. That’s the point, they glow.” _

_ “Nozel… you are really confusing me...”  _

At this point, if I stand here for another minute or less, I’ll just pass out, the pain in my lungs, the memories in my head, my hands and legs and hold up anymore. 

I just need to be alone. I need space to myself for once.

I opened my double doors and entered my room right before I closed them. I see that it’s clean and everything is immaculate, not a single mess. That’s great for me, that’s what I need. My mind just needs to calm down right now, if it can.

I quickly take off my boots, my robe, and my grimoire, throwing them onto the floor. I couldn’t have all this clothing and gear on me right now. It’s too much pressure on me right now, it’s adding up with memories coming back to haunt me for some reason.

I jumped into my bed, putting the cover on me as I felt the pain of my panic attack sink into me as tears threaten to fall out of my eyes. 

I never thought I would think back to what happened to me 4 years ago.

If I had a healthy pregnancy with no issues at all and Nozel and I were in a healthy marriage, my child would be 4 years old right now, I would’ve been taking care of that giving them the happiest childhood right now as I speak.

And that didn’t happen.

Instead I was being used, I was being controlled, I was being used as a tool by my husband that I loved so dearly. I don’t know what happened.

When I was a teenager, I was so madly in love with him, I even kissed him on the day he got his grimoire as a way of saying congratulations. 

But I never really knew why I was in love with him. I never really thought of a reason. And now, it seems like there is no reason to love him at all after what he’s done to me in the past 5 years.

He abused me so bad, I don’t even want to have children with him nor sleep in the same bed as him. 

_ “Just leave me alone, Nozel! All I want is to be alone for fucks sake!” _

_ “Now why should I leave you alone when you’re acting like such a brat with  _ **_my_ ** _ child in _ **_your_ ** _ stomach? You shouting like that could cause  _ **_my_ ** _ child some development issues-” _

_ “You really think I wanted this? I’m shouting like this because of you! I’m angry because of you! You’re ruining my life! Oh… damn it!  _ **_I hate you!_ ** _ ” _

_ “You hate me?” _

_ “Yes. I hate you. I hate how much pain you’re making me go through… all because you wanted to force yourself on me to have a heir… all because your a status higher above me, all because you see me a tool, you don’t love me, you just want to use me- ” _

_ “That’s enough out of your mouth. You should learn to control your anger when you're talking to me, you brat.” _

_ “No… Get the hell off me, Nozel… Get the fuck off me-” _

_ “I’m not going to get off you. Instead, you’ll be punished like the obedient wife you are you’ll take in every single inch. Got that?” _

_ “That’s right… don’t say anything. Just be the good, submissive wife you are...” _

My face kept on flooding out pools of tears onto the navy, pillow cases that covered my pillows, my lungs felt like they were squeezing in so hard I could hear my own heartbeat beating faster by the second. I was in too much pain and mental distress to pay attention to hear the sounds of me sobbing and crying loudly. The room was just filled up with my pained voice, letting out all the sadness, pain, anguish, and anger it could along with long, icy and cold streams of tears.

The pain is unbearable. I can’t stand it.

Why? Why did I fall in love with Nozel? Why did I think that he was the one for me? Why am I still with him after all these years after the abuse he let me go through? Why do I let his insults get to me? Why am I so defenseless against him? Why do I let him take advantage of me? Why don’t I speak up? Why am I his tool?

And the most crazy thing about this fucked up relationship of ours is that he won’t even let me get a divorce. Although I may be a high noble, I am no royalty, I don’t even have the power to cut off marriage I’ve had enough of. It depends on what  _ he _ feels like doing, and I don’t even want to know what he’s thinking of. Just thinking of him makes me want to cut my stomach open and let all my organs and blood pour out.

_ “I want a divorce. I’ve had enough of this.”  _

_ “A divorce? Are you hearing yourself? You don’t have the power to do so, Y/N. That depends on me and what I feel like doing.” _

_ “Why? I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’d rather be with Fuego-” _

_ “How dare you bring up that man's name? Are you trying to he’s better than me? Bring him up again and I’ll make sure you’ll get more than just a slap.” _

That’s right. I should’ve gone for Fuegoleon but, that’s only if I loved him as much as I loved Nozel. Fuegoleon shouldn’t waste his energy on me anyway, he has other things to do then fall for a brat like me.

I just wish I could escape and disappear from everything. I just want to go to a place where I can be alone and daydream for eternity of how I wanted my life to be. I don’t think it would really matter where I went. 

If I could get lost into daydreams where I could dream about how my life would've been if the man I am currently married to was different and wasn’t the arrogant fool he was, that would be perfect.

But I can’t have that.

“Melvani, did you hear Y/N come back yet? I want to tell her that I finished all the payments and that I did the rest of the errands she told me to do.” I heard Adkai’s voice from outside my room.

“I don’t know, let me go check her room. I don’t like how she doesn’t really talk to us, she didn’t even tell me she had a meeting today… she’s so secretive.” Melvani sighed before I heard her knocking on my door.

“Sister, are you in there?” She asked me with a bored voice, still knocking on the door.

“Y-yeah, I’m just feeling a bit sick because I flew back here a bit too fast, I’ll join you guys later.” I lied, I’m surprised they didn’t hear me crying out my emotions.

“Okay, take your time. It’s even better that tomorrow is your day off.” Melvani added before I heard her walking away.

Yeah. Tomorrow is even better because I can properly wish for a abditory to escape to. 


	11. 09. our concern matters

It was around 7:00 in the evening when I woke up, my room was dark, the rain had calmed down, though I could still hear the rain drop down through the windows. I was so tired and depressed that I took a nap and it’s longer than how much I usually sleep.

I think that was about 6 hours of sleep with no dreams or nightmares, just a timeskip and a black screen that took over my vision.

I also wonder what he’s doing. He’s probably going on with his day, pretending like nothing happened at all, or figuring a way to get the whole situation out of his head, who knows? Or maybe he’s abusing his baby sister, just a thought.

Do I want to get up? Was there anything I had to do today? Adkai did everything I told him to do so that’s good. Melvani is probably out on a mission or caring for her child. Adzar is probably taking care of his twin children as well or is downstairs eating some spicy food. And Adrizeh is probably training but, she should be back now…

_ I don’t know anymore… I should probably eat dinner because you really aren’t you when you’re hungry... _

I quickly got up, putting on my slippers, and headed out of my bedroom. They were empty this time and I didn’t see anyone nor hear anyone. They are probably eating dinner right now so I should head downstairs and eating something.

I started to head down to the dining room, taking my time since I just woke up and I feel really tired. When I finally headed downstairs, I heard my little siblings speaking to each other but, the done was kind of off. It was like they were arguing about someone.

“Damn it! Why is she still with him after everything he’s done to her!?” I heard Melvani shout from the dining room as I was around the corner from the dining room. I felt my heart drop to my stomach as I know they were talking about. It was  _ me and him.  _

I quietly walked to the doors of the dining room but I didn’t sneak my head or go in, I was just right next to the door where I could hear my siblings, it would be really helpful if I read their minds, I could maybe see who is in there and what they are really arguing about.

“Because Y/N is not in control of the marriage since she married a royal, it’s all up to the royal if they want to get a divorce or not since they are unfortunately superior to us,” I heard Adkai sigh, replying in a bored tone. “I really don’t know why Nozel is still married to her, he’s literally out here using Y/N like a walking vagina and if she doesn’t consent, then he will take his anger out on some other woman… like he’s doing right now.”

_ Walking… vagina? No… please don’t tell me he- _

“Walking vagnina? What the fuck do you mean by walking vagina!? Did you read Nozel and Y/N’s mind today? What happened? What did he do to her!?” I heard Adzar aggressively shout as he slammed the table. 

My heart was dropping by the second, tears threatened to come out of my eyes, my body was shaking out of pure pain and fear of the thought of my family knowing what happened to me. But I can’t keep crying and being all weak from this, I know that they care way too much but I’m scared that something might happen to them. I don’t want them to get involved with our marriage because that could affect them and things could go ugly, and more scary because of the curse.

I just hope that Adrizeh isn’t there, hearing everything that’s going on, I don’t know what type of damage that could do to her, knowing that she’s young and she worries too much.

“A few minutes ago, I read Y/N’s mind...” I heard Adkai start right before he paused, letting out a heavy sigh, I felt his anger rising, and his mana growing by the second, knowing that he’s going to say something which will make Melvani and Adzar explode.

And I don’t even need to read his mind to know what he is about to say.

“And it seems like that rat bastard of a husband… almost… he almost…”

“Almost what!?” Melvani angrily asked, like she was forcing him to say it.

“Spit it out, Adaki!” Adzar forced.

“He…  _ almost forced _ himself on Y/N, again.” Adaki finished in a dead tone.

_ Damn it. _

“What?” I heard Melvani and Adzar say in unison, pure lividness in their voices.

“And that’s not even the worst part… after Y/N defended herself and left…as I speak, he’s currently sexually abusing one of his maids.”

_ What did he just say? _

My eyes widened so much that I feel as if my sockets are going to release them. I don’t even feel sadness and fear anymore, I feel straight up livid, like I want to explode, like I want to stab, like I want to kill someone.

I feel as if I want to kill  _ him _ .

Since I’ve moved back to my family’s estate, he’s been abusing his maids- not even just abusing but sexually abusing his maids!? Violating them? Touching and penetrating them? Forcing himself on them? He’s forcing himself on his own workers who are doing nothing but doing their jobs?

What the fuck?

Is this what he was doing the whole time since I left? Are you fucking kidding me? 

I’m supposed to eat dinner now, but no. Here I am, eavesdropping on my siblings shouting furiously over my marriage and my husband on how he’s treating and treating me like a walking vagina… and then finding out that he’s been raping his female workers.

I really do wonder why I married him, why I thought that he was the one that I was going to be happy with, why I thought we would have both been Wizard Queen and King together have a happy family together, why I thought I could make my baby sister proud and having someone to look up to as inspiration, why I thought that I could fight alongside him and defeat the devils together that cursed our family; in all, I honestly regret this whole thing. Everything I dreamed for was a whole lie. 

I feel in love for nothing but pain and betrayal.

“Guys, please calm down for now, Adrizeh is sleeping and I feel Y/N’s presence. Y/N might’ve heard us already, let’s stop talking about this for now and continue when we train tomorrow.” I heard Adaki caution, using his water-like mana to calm Melvani and Adzar down.

“Fine.” I heard Adzar sigh, his mana levels calming down a bit. “I’m calm for now but don’t expect me to be a walking saint tomorrow.” He continued.

“I’m relaxed for now but expect me to come up with a plan to cut off Nozel’s dick. It will happen. As well as Solid’s dick as well.” Melvani replied, calming down.

_ Melvani… what the hell, man.  _

I finally let in a heavy breath before letting it out, feeling calm. I can’t keep letting things happen like this, I need to stand up for myself and stay strong. If I keep letting Nozel take advantage of me and forcing himself on other women, then what’s the point of me being married to him if I can’t change him to doing better for our future?

I’m too tired, maybe I’m still dreaming and when I wake up this will all be over.

Finally, I walked into the dining room, seeing Adkai, Adzar, and Melvani sitting down quietly. It seems like they are waiting for their food. It’s quite funny how they're so quick to vent about my issues and complain about my marriage and swear to protect me with pure anger and love for me but when they notice that my presence is near, they are all quiet and soft. Typical younger siblings.

“Hello, Y/N.” I saw Adzar gently smile at me with his red eyes glowing a bit from his anger before.

“Hey, Y/N. How was the meeting today?” Adkai innocently waved at me.

“Hey, sis. How’ve you been?” Melvani greeted me, yawning while leaning back in her seat.

_ They really acted like nothing happened, huh? Might as well do the same thing so we can deal with this bullshit tomorrow. Can’t be angry without getting action done forever. _

“I’m doing fine and the meeting went well, nothing really happened. There weren’t any big reports that we had to deal with but I do need to plan some missions for next week.” I replied, taking a seat next to Melvani who was still leaning back in her chair.

“Oh well that’s good. Did anything else happen today after the meeting?” Asked Melvani, making my two brothers look at me with their eyes glowing. The room was awfully quiet as the three of them looked at me hungry beasts, like they were thirsty for an answer. My heart dropped again but I realized that she’s asking me again to see if I have the nerves and the strength to tell them, even though they already know what happened today and she- they know I don’t.

“Nothing really happened me and Nozel just spoke… that’s all.” I fake smiled, picking at my nails. “Did you guys tell the chefs what you wanted yet?” I asked my siblings.

“Yeah. I got Jollof rice since I wanted something filling today.” Replied Melvani, yawning again.

“Jerk chicken with plantain and rice.” Replied Adzar, making a little trail from his finger.

“Jambalaya.” Adkai said, pouting.

“Wait you aren’t eating seafood this time? What happened?” I asked Adkai, who was still pouting.

“They ran out…” Adkai sighed.

_ That’s what you get, you fatass bitch, that’s why your water magic smells like cajun sometimes. _

A few moments later our food came and we all started dining. Even though I didn’t ask for any food, they still gave me a proper meal which was spicy chicken casserole and it was like a mountain. The four of us ate in silence while there was nothing but Nozel and his sexual affairs to talk about and how he almost violated me. All I wanted to do was eat in peace and talk about it and solve it in another conversation, I can’t keep letting things slide like this. It will make me look more of a failure of a wife than I already am.

“Y/N, are you okay? You look kind of dazed right now.” Melvani asked me, eating a spoonful of jollof.

“Oh! I’m fine, don’t worry about me, just a bit tired… that’s all.” I replied, playing with the last of my food.

“Are you sure?” Adkai added, finishing his food.

“I’m just a bit tired, that’s all. At least I have some time to train Adrizeh tomorrow before she gets her grimoire next month.” I gave out a small smile before finishing the rest of my casserole.

“Yeah I can tell she’s going to be amazing in the future, the opposite of Noelle.” Chuckled Adzar before he drank his vodka. 

“Adzar, that’s not funny, her own brothers abuse her almost everyday because she can’t control her magic. That’s not something to joke about…” Melvani groaned. 

“Yeah Adzar, have some human decency for the poor girl.” Adkai sighed, drinking his water.

“Well, I guess I’m going up to sleep. We have to get things planned for next week and I need to train Adrizeh, for some combat techniques.” I told my siblings, now getting up and walking towards the door.

“Okay, goodnight.”

“Night.”

“Sweet dreams.”

_ Sweet dreams my ass, Melvani. _

I walked back up to my room, taking off my clothes and changing into my nightgown before brushing my teeth, and then jumping into bed. 

Whatever my husband is doing is unfortunately up to him and I can’t change that, I can’t tell him to stop what he’s doing or he’ll just take advantage of me because he’s allowed to do that which really irks me the most. The maid that got abused by him is unfortunately going to have to deal with whatever happens to her since Nozel can’t get in trouble for what he’s doing since he’s a royal. I absolutely feel so sorry for her, all she was trying to do was her job and instead she got violated by my arrogant husband, it hurts me entirely just thinking about it. 

All of this is really going through my head like a spiral going out of control. I almost got abused again, then a maid gets abused completely by my husband; and the thing is that I’m too scared to face him because… I just can’t. I’m scared he’ll do even more things that will make me weak and useless.

_ But why am I letting him do this? I need to defend myself, I’m worth more than this. _

With that, I finally fell asleep with my sleepless mind all over the place, thinking of a way to end all this, and a wish for an abidtory once more.


	12. 10. calm and tense

“Y/N, are you okay?” I heard a gentle voice from outside of my bedroom door. It must be my baby sister. “It’s about to be 10:00 and you said you wanted to train me today.” Adrizeh continued.

_ Oh shit. I did say I wanted to train her around 10 or 11 AM before I go run some errands.  _

“I’m… fine…” I yawn, quickly getting out of bed and heading to my personal bathroom. “Just give me a few minutes, I won’t take long.” I responded.

**_Mini timeskip!_ **

I finished getting ready for the day but I wore something different this time. I wore a fluffy read button up shirt, a blue and gold collared skirt that had lace around it, and my other midnight colored robe which had gold lining around it. I then wore my midnight colored stocking with my black over-the-knee high boots.

I let out a sigh before I pulled up my boot. The grim thoughts of my siblings’ last night conversation came back, crawling into my mind. It makes me sad but livid just thinking about the things my husband has done to his workers, and the fact that I can’t really do anything about it really pisses me off, it’s all because I’m high noble and he’s a royal, _ and _ because I’m a woman.

I really do wish I can confront him but, it’s not like I can do much if I try. Hell. I can’t even report it to the Magic Parliament or King Clover, they’ll either support him and say that it's none of my business that he’s abusing his maids, or accuse me of lying even though I will never lie to the Magic Parliament. In certain cases.

But, putting all these thoughts aside. I have a very good friend that works for Nozel, I haven’t heard from her in a while. Maybe I’ll visit her in a few months or so.

I wonder how Olivia is doing right now. I hope she’s okay.

I really hope Nozel didn’t do anything to her.

Putting all those thoughts aside, I then grabbed my grimoire and its case, then wore it around my waist before opening my bedroom door. 

I saw Adrizeh sitting down against the dark blue colored wall, reading a book. She was wearing a white button-up blouse which looked like a bramble rose around the neck, a dark, fluffy blue skirt which went past the knees, and black over-the-knee boots which looked like mine.

“Good morning, Adrizeh.” I waved at her, “Are you reading to go train today?” I then asked, she looked at me and smiled but, I noticed that she had bags under her eyes and that she looked a bit more skinny than usual. I haven’t seen her eat at dinner nor breakfast in awhile, I might have to ask her what's going on.

“Good morning, Y/N.” She said back as she got up from her position, now standing up.

“How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you since thursday night.” I asked her as we started to walk down the hallway which led to the staircase.

“I’ve been for the most part, I haven’t eaten properly since Wednesday afternoon though.” She responded, sighing while holding her book towards her chest.

I raised an eyebrow on what just said. I find it both concerning and strange on why she hasn’t in a few days. Adrizeh usually has a big appetite and she eats a lot, this really isn’t like to not eat in a couple of days. I wonder what's going on.

“Why haven’t you eaten? That isn’t good if you want strength to train your body.” I told her as we continued to walk down the hallway.

“I’ve been feeling sharp pain in my heart recently for some reason, it would feel like something would be growing inside my chest but, the growing feeling would stop then I would feel weak all over.” Adrizeh continued. I then stopped walking and froze. My heart felt like it was dropping to my stomach to what she just said because it reminded me of something.

That’s probably from the devil’s curse. That’s the same type of pain mother had got when she got her grimoire. This can’t be good.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Adrizeh asks me with a face of confusion.

“Yeah… don’t worry about it. Let’s just get breakfast.”

**_Mini timeskip!_ **

Breakfast was served. Adrizeh and I sat next to each other, and Melvani was on my right while Adkai and Adzar were on the opposite side. Melvani and I were both served ten stacks of red velvet waffles with syrup, fruits, and cream cheese, and Adrizeh, Adkai, and Adzar ate chicken and waffles casserole. Fatasses.

“So what are the plans today?” Melvani asked us, taking a huge bite out of a strawberry. “I want to go check out some of the common realms for any recent, suspicious activity, then I’ll take care of Terre.” Melvani continued aloud.

_ OH my fucking god. Why do I keep forgetting that Melvani has a son? _

“Hmm…” Adkai muttered, pouting at Melvani. “Still jealous that you have a child before I do… and you’re only 19.”

Melvani gave my blue-eyed twin a confused but perplexed look before cutting into her waffles again, “Why are you jealous of me when you said that you’re wife and you weren’t ready for children as of right now… and like I said, I wanted to have children as of right now because I don’t know if I will have time to have children in the future.” She groaned out. “If anything, you should be getting jealous at Adzar. He has a whole set of twins.” She groaned, taking a bit out of her food.

“Now why am I involved?” Adzar pointed out, staring at Melvani and Adkai. “You guys like to put me in your strange little arguments and I’m not here for it. I was just minding my business.”

_ They can’t be getting into an argument about children… they can’t be serious. And please don’t get me involved either, I’m not here for it either. _

“Anyways…” I started so I could change the topic, “I want to go train with Adrizeh since she’s getting her grimoire next month.” I smiled at my baby sister who only blushed and looked the opposite direction. “I heard she’s been doing well so I wanted to see if she has good magic control.” I finished before taking a sip of my almond milk.

“Already? Shouldn’t you be doing that after she has her grimoire so the training can be fair?” Melvani questions me, raising an eyebrow as well.

“Well… yeah but… I just wanted to see if she has learned the basics yet. That’s all.” I replied, taking another bite out of my breakfast.

_ What a dry, unseasoned conversation.  _

**_..._ **

The rest of my siblings headed to their designated destinations while I met up with a few of my subordinates to inform them about what we have planned for today since it’s their day off. Then, Adrizeh and I headed towards the field which was behind the base that the whole squad usually used for training.

The field’s grass was quite lively and green which was quite strange since we are in february, it was surrounded by large, tall, thick cedar and spruce trees. 

“Y/N, do you and the squad usually train here?” Adrizeh asked me, as we walked to the middle of the Midnight Raven’s training field.

“Yeah, on our days off if no one is doing anything or if we’re bored. It’s a good way to get stronger so I can teach my subordinates helpful techniques like mana zone, mana skin, creation magic, just basically everything you would need to know about magic.” I responded, smiling a bit.

My white-eyed sister gave me an empty poker-face which made her seem like she was confused on what I explained to her.

“Mana zone? Mana skin? What heck are those things, do I have to create mana or something? I’m already confused…” She sighed, looking down.

“Don’t worry,” I chucked, looking at her confused face as we walked towards the center of the field. “You will get the gists of it as soon as I explain them to you.” I smiled, ruffling her hair. This should be really fun teaching about magic since she already has her wind magic under control, and she’s very quick for her age.

“Okay, but why is that common raven migrating without a flock?” My baby sister asked me, pointing to the familiar raven bird that flapped her wings as she flew towards us. I smiled happily at the sight of the flying creature, seeing that she has finally woken up out of her slumber after five days.

“Oh this bird right here?” I smirked as Neve landed on my head, sitting down and getting comfortable, I looked at Adrizeh who had a blank look of surprise on her face, her white eyes gleaming at the mythical creature on my head. “This bird’s name is Neve. She’s my mythical creature.”

That common raven wasn’t just any typical raven bird that you would see flying around. Neve is my personal, mythical creature that usually assists me on missions and other important duties that I have to do. You could tell that she wasn’t a basic, common raven because her eyes were light blue and the tips of her feathers were faint white.

“Woah… When and where did you find her?” Adrizeh asked me with wide eyes.

“I found her about five years ago at North Ivy which was near the Neutral Territory when I was looking for information about-” I suddenly stopped when I felt my heart’s beating slowing down a bit as my body froze.

“Y/N… are you okay?” I heard my little sister ask me as I felt everything around me slow down. A cold feeling started to take over my body as my heart continued to slow down its rhythm.

_ Damn it… What is going on? I didn’t tell Adrizeh about the curse… did I?  _

_ “Y/N, answer me! What’s wrong!?” _ I heard my sister desperately ask me as I started shaking uncontrollably, I felt Adrizeh use her wind on her hands and she started to shake my shoulders rapidly, trying to force an answer out of me.

But gladly, the feeling of my body shaking out of control all stopped when Neve pecked at my head. I jumped a bit when I felt myself come back to reality, knowing that the cold, scary feeling was gone.

_ That was so close, I almost told Adrizeh about the curse, if Neve didn’t stop me, I would’ve been paralized from the legs down… just like mother… forever. _

“Y/N… are you alright? You’re scared me, your body started shaking like you were out of control, your face seemed like you were scared as if saw someone die right in front of you and your ice magic started to encast you, mostly around your legs-” I cut Adrizeh off as I took her hands off my shoulders because of the intense of wind on them.

“ _ I’m fine, don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.  _ Sometimes when I have Neve with me, the immense amount of power takes over me and my body malfunctions on it’s own. Nothing major.” I lied, letting out a fake smile as Neve poked my head with her peak because of my lies.

“Oh… Okay…” Adrizeh sighed, her hand over her chest.

“Now let’s get started training, shall we?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

**_Timeskip!_ **

It’s been about an hour and thirty minutes since I told Adrizeh about the basics of being a magic knight, body movements, and useful mana and magic techniques. It seems that her reflexes are good, her landing is alright, and magic technique is fine. There is a lot that she has to work on but it’s okay since it’s her first day officially being taught.

Adrizeh was sitting down on the grass, her legs spread out and her head thrown back in exhaustion that took over her body while I sat down with my legs crossed, staring at my bird, who was flapping wings at my baby sister to try and help her relax.

“I’m sleepy, and my chest is starting to hurt again…” Adrizeh quietly whined, using her wind to take off the heat her body was feeling. 

I giggled at her words, knowing that she’ll get used to this type of training in the near time.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“...”

“No you’re giving me a poker face? Wow…”

There was an awkward silence between Adrizeh and I. I didn’t question because maybe she was still trying to catch her breath so she could calm down. 

“Y/N, How is your relationship with Nozel? Is he… still hurting you?”

My eyes widened as I stared at Adrizeh with a fake confused look, I felt my heart drop to my stomach as my little sister gave me an innocent look.

_ Shit. Why is she asking me this question again? _

“Why’d you ask? That was a bit out of the blue you know…” I said cautiously, waiting for her answer.

“I didn’t read your mind nor Nozel’s but I heard you crying yesterday as I walked past your room and I was going to ask you what the issue was but I didn’t want to disturb you or anything. I also heard everyone shouting downstairs in the dining room but I couldn’t comprehend what it was about. That’s why I’m asking now.”

_ “I really don’t know why Nozel is still married to her, he’s literally using her as a walking vagina and if she doesn’t consent, then he’ll take his anger out on some other woman… like he’s doing right now.”  _

Adkai’s voice echoed through my head as his words circulated through my mind. I felt myself get sad all over again like usual, thinking of my marriage with such an arrogant man, it’s that I can’t hide my expressions when I’m in a negative mood around my family nowadays. They always know when something is up and they will always use their mind reading ability to tell when something is wrong.

I don’t want them getting involved in my horrible marriage because I don’t want them to get hurt nor get involved. It isn’t their fault I’m in such a horrible, grim marriage with a royal that has led them to get involved. It’s my fault.

“Listen, Adrizeh…” I started, looking up at her with a sad smile on my face, “ I really don’t want you to get involved, I don’t want Nozel to hurt you because of me. All I can say is that he isn’t hurting me, he’s just… a tough on me. That’s all.” I lied.

“Okay… I’m gonna hug you if that’s okay with you.” Adrizeh said, crawling on top of me, making me fall on top of the grass as she embraced me into a warm hug. I hugged her back, wrapping arms around her small figure with a sad expression on my face. I then stared at the diamond wedding ring on my right hand on my ring finger which glimmered in the light of the sun.

_ This ring, did this really symbolize that he loved me so much that he wanted me to be his wife? _

“You are s-so cold.” Adrizeh shivered, shaking in my arms.

“WOw. What a way to cheer me up.” I scoffed.

I suddenly felt intense mana from the area, it was so sudden and intense that even my little sister and Neve had felt it.

“Y/N what was that-”

“Go to your room, right now.”

Adrizeh used her wind magic to quickly run into the manor side of our base. I quickly got up and studied the intense mana I felt. 

It felt so familiar and cold.

It was Nozel.


	13. 11. what a confusing, diabolical husband

_ It’s Nozel. But… Why is he here after what he did to me and that housemaid yesterday!? _

I quickly felt tense in anger, my body started to shake, cold smoke came out of my mouth, the air started to get chilly around me, making the air freeze and turn into ice. Neve noticed how my posture was and landed on my head to calm me down. I understand that she’s only trying to calm me down but I don’t think she understands how pissed I am to even feel the presence of my disgusting whore of a husband. 

_ Damn it… why is he here right now out of all days? What exactly could he want from me? _

I was so fixated on questioning his appearance that I didn’t even notice that he landed right in front of me. My husband landed on his feet from his mercury eagle, he then looked at me with his regular bitch resting face as he walked towards me.

“What exactly are you doing here?” I scowled at him with a loud tone, so he could hear me. “I’m pretty sure your presence is a sickness to my family as of right now.” I continued.

“I’m just here to drop something off from a mission I just came from. That’s all. I’m not planning to communicate with you too much since it seems like you aren’t in the mood to talk to your stressed husband.” Nozel replied, walking towards me with a paper in his hand.

“Stressed? What are YOU out of all people stressed about, Silva?” Came a chuckle from me, showing that I wasn’t in the mood for his bullshit.

He knows what did. He knows he is a sick bastard. He knows he shouldn’t be stressed. So why is he acting like this?

“I’m stressed by the amount of paperwork I have to do. It has doubled since last night. Nothing new.”

“Oh really? What about what happened between you and that maid yesterday? You think my family can’t read your mind? Hm?” I angrily question him, hoping to get an honest answer from him. 

“What are you talking about, you insolent woman? I said I’m giving you a request from a village that needs your help. Whatever happened yesterday is not my problem and is not my concern. You have the wrong person on your mind.” 

_ What? _

“Anyways, I came to give you this,” Nozel said casually giving me a file of papers that seem like requests and other paperwork from multiple villages as if what he did yesterday didn’t already pain me enough. How is he going to pretend that nothing happened? And how does that maid feel? Is she okay?

“Thank you, I guess…” I groaned, taking the file of papers from his hand, giving him a look of disgust. “It’s mind-boggling to me how you’re just going to pretend that you didn’t try to force yourself on me-” As I tried to finish my sentence, I felt my husband staring right into my soul, as if he was trying to read my mind or slowly scare me, his hand on shoulder as he squeezed it tightly. I then did nothing but stare right back at him, my eyes violently glowing their E/C orbs right into his soul.

“Get your filthy hand off of me-” Attempting to protest against my actions, Nozel cuts me off again by putting his pointer finger over my mouth. I tried to use my hands to get him off of me but the difference in our strength was too much.

“ Yesterday, I  _ didn’t want _ to force myself on you, I tried showing that I loved you and I wanted to cheer you up but it seems like you refused my love, so I tried to continue but then you still didn’t take it. Therefore, that’s  _ your _ problem. And the situation with the maid? That has  _ nothing to do with you if it’s not your body that is being used, harmed, or pleasured _ .” 

__

_ … _

At that moment, I just snapped. I just couldn’t allow the disrespect to happen to me anymore.

“Snow Magic: Depressed Blizzard from the North.”

A sudden blow of snow came from my right hand at the same time I slapped my husband with my spell. The impact was aggressively strong because Nozel was sent flying to the other side of the field as he used his mercury magic to help defend himself. 

_ I hope no one feels the mana nor sees this fight. If they do, this is going to be a big problem between our squads and families. But that doesn’t matter to me, all that matters is that I put enough damage on this  _ **_whore_ ** _ so I don’t have to see his face for a long time. _

At a fast speed, I sprinted to where Nozel was before I kicked the air towards his direction, making it so that more impactful gust of snow assaulted him. As he tried to get up, the snow railing towards his direction got stronger.

“Mercury… Magic: Rain of Silver.”

_ Wait… did he dodge it? Oh shit, the mercury- _

As I looked up, small, but small sharps of mercury started to be summoned, directed solely on me, the mercury-made spears started to swiftly make their way towards my direction to impale me. At this, I let out a grin of pure revenge, knowing that I have the perfect spell to counter this spell. Nozel  _ will regret _ putting his filthy hands on me and that housemaid.

_ Winter Body Magic: Haunting of Boreas _

_ ‘Haunting of Boreas’  _ is a spell that  **none** of my opponents have escaped or know how to counter. What it does is that so I can temporarily become a spirit of some sort, forcing me to depart from my physical body, leaving behind a stationary ‘Husk’, it will also take me into the ‘Ethereal Dimension’. After I depart from my body, I can traverse freely to wherever I want with no one seeing me for about 10 seconds. I am still confined to movement within the physical environment and surroundings. 

Though this spell is very strong and overpowered, the downside is that I can’t see anyone, but I can see their mana which come in movements of trails of small blizzards and I can also hear their movements and breaths. Basically, I’m phasing.

_ I hear Nozel’s breathing but… I can’t really calculate where, let me just summon an ice-made katana so that I can hit him directly when the phase is over. _

_ “Wait… Why is she standing still? Why is she letting the spears just hit her? Wait...is she...no- she’s- she’s phasing! Damn it, I don’t know where she is...”  _

“I’m right here, you lanky lame-braid dude.”

“What did you just call me-”

As soon the phase ended, I saw Nozel in front of me, with his eyes wide open in what could potentially be fear. My E/C eyes glowed in anger, my body was blood thirsty for me to finally let the katana hit once and for all so I can finally endure the pain onto his body.

_ *Swing!* _

_ Did I hit him? I think I did. I saw the blade hit his body… _

It is that my eyes have deceived me as I looked up to see my purple-eyed husband evade the hit of the katana using mercury to forcibly hold the katana and my hand in place.

My eyes widened in shock and confusion, my right arm being held in place as the mercury surrounding it hardening by the second, my body was frozen. Frozen in defeat.

_ Damn it… how did he predict that? _

“You almost got me there. Though, instead of worrying about my business, maybe train a bit more so you know how to defend your family a better way. It doesn’t seem like you’re ready to temporarily take me out of your life yet, you still need to calculate your phases right. You’re too impatient when it comes to attacking at the right time.” Nozel calmly spoke, trying to keep his anger in from what just happened as he held me in my position.

“Piss off, Nozel! You’re the reason I can’t protect my family the way I need to!” I raged at him, trying to push him off of me with the amount of strength I had while being held down.

Attempting to protest his actions again, I tried freezing the air in our surroundings to make a sudden attack, but that didn’t work since the next thing that happened to me was nothing but a blur.

“But since you’re really angry and tense at me, let me just slowly put you out of your misery, my love…”

“Huh-”


	14. 12. my baby sister and my husband

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanna ask... who is your fav character so far in the family?

I blacked out. 

But at least I can process what’s still happening around me. Luckily, I can hear the voices surrounding me, although they seem like quite a blur.

I felt myself being in the hands of someone, somebody small by the way I’m being lifted, it feels like they are only trying to lift me up a bit by the way their arms are underneath my armpits, trying to hold me up. There was also a bit of wind surrounding us, but the wind didn’t feel normal. It felt dark and evil. Like something sinister.

_ “Y/N…Y/N! Oh my goddess wake up… are you okay!? Talk to me… please… answer me!?” _

_ That small, gentle voice… Adrizeh? What is she doing out here!? I told her to stay inside to avoid Nozel!  _

This isn’t good. I still feel Nozel’s mana here, it feels as if he’s right in front of me. This can’t be good. If Adrizeh tries to attack him, he’s going to hurt her. There is no doubt about that.

_ “T-there’s mercury in your stomach… he…h-he stabbed you with his mercury magic… oh no… it’s leaking out of you along with your blood… you’re poisoned!”  _

_ He did what? He injected me with mercury when he said he was “going to take me out of my misery”?  _

Now that she mentioned it, I felt something weird the moment right before I blacked out. I did feel Nozel stab me with one of his swords, the moment it connected to my stomach, then my blood, the pain escalated quickly before I could even mentally, physically process it.

If the mercury stays there and spreads, then I die. As of right now. At this moment.

__

_ “You rat bastard of a man… WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?”  _ Raged Adrizeh. I don’t need to be awake or see her face to feel and embrace the tone, anger, lividness in her voice. To be honest, it shocked me. I felt the strange wind surrounding us get more violent, it’s as if my baby sister is about to attack my husband. I need to stop this immediately. The problem is I can’t.

Adrizeh is the type of person to not show any type of emotion unless she’s furious or happy, the only people she really expresses herself to is her siblings if there is something she needs to get off of her chest, anyone else will not get a single smile or frown from her since she hates socializing with people, or even confronting with them. At this moment, she is probably the angriest I’ve ever heard her be.

The thing is, if I was awake and this was just an argument between Nozel and I and Adrizeh saw it, I would never let her come near Nozel. Nozel would probably hurt her or even abuse her, just the same as he would do to Noelle, that’s why I don’t ever want Adrizeh to ever be in a foot of Nozel’s presence if possible, even if she wants to defend me if he hurt me in front of her. Which is why I’m horrified that I can’t wake up and protect her. 

I don’t know what he’s planning to do. And I don’t know what Adrizeh is going to do by herself, she’s only 15 and hasn’t even gotten her grimoire yet. She can’t even do anything besides throw him back with the wind she has. 

_ “Who exactly are you talking to, little girl?”  _ I heard my husband scoff at my little sister in a brood tone, potentially mocking her.  _ “That’s none of your business what I’m doing here.” _

_“Wait…”_ Adrizeh started, her voice softening up for what it seems like a split second before she started to speak again. _“It’s none of my business that my sister is crying almost every night in her office, stressed, scared that you might punish her for overworking herself? It’s none of my business my sister is getting poisoned by her own husband because she tried to defend herself and a maid, both who got violated BY YOU? It’s none of my business that my sister was trying to defend me from YOU?”_ My baby sister angrily questioned my husband. 

_ Adrizeh…  _

_ “That’s right. Those things are none of your business. If you don’t want the same treatment as Y/N, it would be best for you to stay in your place and just mind your business, you little girl.” _

_ “You can tell me to mind my business all you want, but this is my own blood and flesh I-I’m talking about… this is my elder sister who I look up to so much… she's the best elder s-sister someone could ever have… and you… p-poisoned her?”  _ I heard Adrizeh start to sniffle, the feeling of her tears damped my clothing, it was like a small jab to the heart.

_ “So what if I did? She’s not that amazing than you think she is-” _

_ “How could you do that to someone… How could you do that to someone so kind, caring, and kind? Someone who does nothing but try their best to protect their family? How sick do you have to be to do such a cruel thing?”  _ My baby sister sobbed at my husband. 

Her sobs, sniffles, and crying were the only thing I heard for a few moments. Hearing her tears made me feel so defeated, as if I failed her right in front of my husband. I didn’t want her to ever be near him, I was scared that she would see me get hurt-or worse- let Nozel even harm her. 

I know Nozel is such an arrogant man that he might just do that right now. 

“Mercury Magic…”

_ Adrizeh… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry that I was so weak that I got you to defend me and yourself from my horrible choices… _

_ I’m so sorry that I put you to such risk because I was too weak and too impatient. _

_ “Oh what!? You’re going to poison me as well? You’re going to attack a  _ **_little girl_ ** _? Isn’t that what you called me? How insecure do you have to be to attack a  _ **_little girl_ ** _ , huh!?” _

_ “Damn you. This is what you get for disrespecting royalty, you little worthless brat.” _

_ I’m so sorry that I’m such a failure, and my naivety has led my husband to attack you… if only I made smarter decisions and I wasn’t so reckless… you wouldn’t have been attacked at this moment. I’m sorry, my precious baby sister…  _

_ “Mercury Magic: Silver-” _

Before Nozel could even cast his spell completely, a new wave of familiar mana came in, just at the right time.

_ “Water Creation Magic: Tidal Wave of Rage” _

Though my eyes are still close, I heard a rumbling liquid sound and the feeling of a spell go right at Nozel’s direction. I didn’t hear anything else besides the gasp of my little sister when she looked up.

_ “Adkai…” _ Adrizeh muttered, her tears still falling onto me.

_ “Adrizeh, did he harm you?”  _ My twin asked our baby sister, the tone of his voice did not sound welcoming at all, the huskiness in his voice made it sound more terrifying than his voice already was.

_ “H-he was about to…” _

_ “Okay. That’s all I needed to hear. With the strength you have, I want you to carry Y/N and bring her into the infirmary on the squad side of the base, and bring her to the nurses as soon you can. It’s about to get really bloody here.”  _

_ “Okay… T-thank you, Adkai.”  _ Was the last thing I heard Adkai say before I felt Adrizeh use her wind magic to help me up into the infirmary.

All I know is that the fight that is about to happen, has the potential to be a bloody one.


	15. 13. what a day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> opinions of nozel?

_ “Are you sure she’s okay to be okay, Melvani? When I saw her wound, it looked as if her stomach along with her organs were about to burn by the time I got into the infirmary…”  _

_ “She should be okay for now. She’s lucky I didn’t discard this magic tool I’m using right now. It sucks up any poison that has been inflicted on a person.” _

_ “That seems cool. But, I wanted to ask you something.” _

_ “Ask away.” _

_ “Why is the flesh on Y/N’s stomach mushed up and scorched like that?” _

_ “That’s something… I can’t really explain since I don’t know the exact answer to that myself.”  _

_ “Oh…” _

_ “J-just… Let’s not worry about that right now, once I’m done sucking out the mercury from her stomach, I need to check up on the fight between that off-brand Byakuya Kuchiki and Adkai, it’s only been a few minutes but I need to hurry as soon as possible so I can see if Adkai is struggling. Even though I hate his guts, Nozel is a strong captain…” _

_ “Wow… you’ve almost sucked out all the mercury out of her. Will she wake up by then?” _

_ “That is possible but, it depends on how much energy she has left. Just give me a few seconds. Once I’m done, I’m going to put all of this mercury along with Y/N’s blood in a mason jar so I study it later to see what symptom’s Y/N could feel later. She might have to take a break off of her captain duties soon if they are something severe.” _

Though I am still blacked out. I haven’t lost my senses because I can still feel my limbs perfectly fine as I would if I was awake. The thing is, my stomach feels as if it's melting off by lava or if I was on my period and I had cramps. I absolutely hate the cramps, and thi pain feels much like it. Damn Nozel. That fucking whore really did a number on me this time. Thank God for Adkai dealing with him right now.

But as soon as Melvani is done taking out the mercury in my stomach, I’m going to see if Adkai is alright, although he may be a strong warrior with assassin-like techniques, I’m not sure if he can beat Nozel. If it’s mercury against water, mercury takes the victory.

At the same time, it’s not the element of the wizard, it’s the wizard himself and how he uses his abilities. 

_ “Okay, I should be done by now, all I need to do is give Y/N an ointment and then wrap the bandages around her, and then she should be okay for now…” _

_ Well that is a good thing that you are almost done, Melvani but could you please hurry up!? There’s an ass-whooping I need to see! _

**_About 2 minutes later!_ **

It felt like something wore off of me by the time I could open my eyes. My body felt lighter and I could finally move my limbs instead of only feeling them. To test if my body was fully functioning right, I started to blink rapidly, making sure my eyes were still able to see. From my vision, I saw Adrizeh looking with wide eyes with a look of happiness on her small, adorable face.

“Melvani look, she’s waking up!” Adrizeh told Melvani in a happy tone.

“Already!?” My green-eyed sister turned around to see my blank, tired face before she walked up to me and sighed with a worried look all over her face. “Y/N, how are you feeling-”

“I...need...to go… see… Adkai…” I muttered, interrupting my little sister. I tried to sit up at the same time I spoke but my stomach felt like I was stabbed in multiple places at the same time, making me wince in extreme pain. The wound felt like it was some type of animal with blades for teeth just bit into my guts and organs, just ripping them out, eating them for dinner.

Not to mention my nerves after I attempted to sit up felt like they were about to scream, it felt like a little shock to me.

“Hey listen, I know the three of us all want to see how Adkai is doing but, you need to rest. Remember, you were poisoned.” Melvani warned me, she looked me dead in the eyes as her tone was serious. 

“I know that, Melvani but think of it, it was I who made Adrizeh and Adkai both come out and defend because of my choices, the least I can do is at least see how he’s doing. I haven’t even checked on his mana.” I responded desperately. Even though Melvani had a point, I need to check up on Adkai.

I then closed my eyes to feel the mana of both Adkai and Nozel. They both felt relatively strong but Adkai's mana was faltering,  _ a bit _ . At that my heart almost dropped to my stomach with the thought in my head that Adkai was going to lose.

“Adkai’s m-mana was d-dropping a bit.” I tried to speak properly but my nerves just couldn’t let me get the words out properly.

“What?”

“Oh no… Even if Adkai’s mana is dropping by a little bit… that can't be good. We can’t let that horrible man win!”

“We n-need… to go…” My weak self was constantly failing to let out the words I needed to. The mercury poisoning had already left a mark on my body, making me indefinitely fragile, useless.

“Y/N, please don’t drain yourself. Like I said, I know you want to help Adkai because you feel guilty that he had to take your battle but, you must rest, the symptoms of mercury poisoning are already taking over your body-”

“M-Melvani, please… I beg… as the eldest sibling of the Mentaire family it’s my...j-job to defend my siblings as much as I-I need to… so please… let me just see him… it’s the least I can do…” I coughed out, begging my sister. 

I felt bad. I felt horrible. I felt guilty. So much negativity has happened to both my siblings and I can’t help but feel like just a useless idiot not doing anything. It’s already enough that they are having to deal with my marriage and I can’t even say that it’s none of their business when they have mind-reading abilities that totally counter what I want to say to them. 

This is why I barely speak about my issues to anyone. Once I tell someone what I’m dealing with they get involved, and then the predicament is already a bigger issue than it already is, which is why I keep my mouth shut most of the time.   
  


“Okay, fine. I’m going to have to carry you since you don’t have the strength to walk there yourself as of right now.”

“That’s...echk! F-fine with me…” I coughed out my response. I then realized what happened earlier while I was blacked out, knowing that my baby sister needs to stay inside at all costs, I cannot let her almost get hurt again.

“Adrizeh, you must stay inside.” I told her.

“Understood.” She nodded her head, running towards her room.

**_Another Minute Later!_ **

“Adkai!” Melvani shouted at my twin brother who was battling my husband at full force, kneeling down so I could get off her back to see the fight properly. 

Adkai was sprinting at full speed chasing Nozel as if the fight was a round of cat and mouse, using a body enhancement spell to boost up his magical and physical abilities. Nozel is effortlessly blocking all of Adkai’s attacks as if they were just a missed attack. Because of both my now fragile body, I can’t do much, all of my 5 senses are weakened. If I could help Adkai, I would’ve done it in a heartbeat if my body didn’t react to the mercury poisoning. If Nozel didn’t poison me, the fight between him and I would’ve been over and one of us would’ve been paralized. 

“Tell me, you abusive man, what did you try to do to my sister?” The light blue-eyed man started to interrogate my husband, still trailing him.

“Didn’t I tell you? I tried to put her out of her misery. I only tried to calm her down, she got angry all of a sudden and started to attack me out of nowhere, that’s why I stabbed her.” Nozel calmly explained, stopping his attack to stand still when Adkai paused. My twin brother started at Nozel with a furious look with wide eyes. I can tell he was as livid as Adrizeh was when Nozel gave her a similar half-assed answer. It was as if both situations are as reading an open book, both altercations showed that Adrizeh and Adkai were sick of how I am currently being treated by my husband, they hated seeing me be miserable like a slave.

The thing that I was concerned about was how weak I’ve become through the past years and how I can’t even be the strong warrior I used to be. It’s pathetic that my family needs to protect me from my own husband because I’m so weak because I overworked myself.

“What kind of bullshit answer is that!? You know what you did to her yesterday, you know you tried to force yourself on her yesterday, and you know you defiled one of your maids completely, you know that you are a  _ corrupt _ man… So why did you do it!?” Badgered Adkai, as he readied up a spell slowly but surely. 

All I could was stand there, besides Melvani as we both stood there in silence, frowning in complete sadness. I didn’t have to read Melvani’s mind knowing that she was boiling inside, she wanted to defend me as the rest of our siblings did. I just stood there, feeling weak and useless as ever. If Adkai was here right now, he would’ve burned Nozel to ashes with no hesitation. If Adrizeh was here, she would’ve thrown every single wind spell she could. I didn’t want any of them to do that but, here we were, watching my twin brother, boiling in lividness, interrogating my husband with such deep, concerning questions. 

_ I’m such a useless fool… why do they even bother defending me? _

“That is none of your business. It’s simply none of your concern. If it’s not your body that is being used, harmed, or pleasure, you shouldn’t even think about it simply for a split second.” Nozel responded.

“So... I shouldn’t think about how my twin sister came back crying yesterday night, downgrading herself because she thought she wasn’t strong enough to defend herself from you after what you did to her body throughout the past years? Just think about it… how sick do you have to be to abuse your wife and think it’s okay just because you're an  _ arrogant _ royal!?” Adkai shouted angrily at Nozel. Nozel stood there, eyes wide open, the rest of his face still blank.

“A-Adkai…” I muttered under my breath, absolutely speechless.

“I…” Melvani started but stopped.w 

“How do you think it’s okay to casually force yourself on a maid just because you’re paying her double her usual paycheck and because you’re wife refused to have sex with you? You think I didn’t know about that? You think I don’t read your mind- no- you think  _ WE _ don’t read your mind?” Adkai continued to shout, not letting Nozel even say a word.

_ I still… can’t believe that happened to me… 5 years ago… _

“Tch. So what if you do? There’s nothing you can do about those issues anyway. They already happened and the damage is done.” Nozel puffed.

“So is the damage on Y/N’s stomach after you abused her while she was pregnant.”

“...”

“Ha ha ha! Just look at yourself, silent as you can ever be. It’s honestly ironic how you are a magic knight squad captain… yet you committee heinous crimes… just as the criminals do in this country and everywhere else-”

“That’s enough out of you.” Nozel interrupted with a deadly tone. My eyes widened at the spell that my husband was about to chant.

_ This can’t be good. _

“Mercury Magic: 1000 Silver Swords.”

My twin brother then let out a laugh of pure evil, giving us a sign that his next move will be absolutely bloody.

He’s going to kill Nozel. 

“Water Creation Magic:  _ Leviathan _ !”

“ADKAI NO-”


End file.
